"Zombies, Stay Inside!" is the first mission of The Home Front.
You're in lockdown! Cut off from Abel by a horde, luckily you've got Sam on comms to keep you company.
Exercises[]
Cast[]
Scenes[]
Dance Party!
Sam sounds worried and explains that there is a huge horde of zombies surrounding Abel. They'd been trapped in a warehouse, but were released by people looking for supplies. Because of the horde, everyone is trapped where they are, possibly for a long time. Sam tries to reassure you that it will end though, eventually. And dancing helps morale right? Sam plays a song and you should dance along!
Tin of Beans?
Sam has found Ministry guidelines about exercises that can be done at home. He's going to do them himself, and read you the exercises so you can do them too! After each exercise, he'll play a song. Use that time to recover, or to keep going if you aren't tired. First exercise, step ups, 30 seconds each leg. Ready?
Going Wild
Those muscles will come in handy for escaping the zoms! Sam says that it's weird watching the cameras. He's used to seeing mostly empty streets, but now there's just swirling crowds of zombies. Anyway, it's time for another dance break!
Bug Recommended
Sam tells you that Janine popped in to suggest running on the spot rather than dancing, but what fun is that? The next exercise is 'dead bug walking'. Lie on your back and then 'walk' your arms and legs in the air as quickly as possible for one minute.
Real DJ
Sam says the exercise is making him feel good, and apparently exercise can also improve mental health. It makes him feel more connected to his runners, knowing that they are doing this too. If you have access to ROFFLENET you should try to get in touch with people, stay connected. And now, time for another dance break! Feel free to walk or jog, or even tidy up.
Electric Slide
The next exercise is bodyweight squats. If you need support, you can do them against a wall. One minute, go! And now it's time for another dance break while Sam recovers.
Mega Hit
That song reminds Sam of college; the man next door played it a lot. Sam says that he and the man's boyfriend started rumours about the song causing bleeding, and he believed it! Thankfully both of them are safe in a commune in Sunderland these days. Anyway, time for cool down. Do some gentle stretches, or dance less energetically.
Stay Safe Out There
The exercises have really helped! Some runners may be able to go outside without encountering any zoms, but Sam will be doing more of these exercises. Some runners even have microphones so maybe you'll hear from them! Stay safe out there.
Transcript[]
[paper rustles, microphone creaks]
SAM YAO: Hello, runners. Sorry, that didn’t sound very friendly. Everything’s fine. Sorry! I’m trying to sound less terrified. Hello. No, wait. That… Well, that just sounded sinister. Okay, I’m going Sean Connery. [imitates Sean Connery] Hello. [own voice] Ugh… Okay. Maybe I should just move on from saying hello. How are you all doing? I’m not amazing.
To recap, in case you’ve been stuck in a hole for the past week… Although maybe some of you are stuck in actual holes, in-in which case, I hope your hole is not full of water. And if it is full of water, I hope the water is drinkable.
Anyway, yes. To recap, there’s a horde. Well, you all know that. You can see the horde out there. What happened was - we think - some runners got a huge warehouse open just south of the city. It had been sealed up since Z-Day and not a peep from inside it, so everyone thought it’d be full of useful supplies.
Well anyway, it was full of about 18,000 zombies and now they’re surrounding Abel. Um, yeah, that’s just an estimate. Janine was trying to tell me about modeling population numbers, but I couldn’t really understand what she was going on about. She sort of rambles when she’s anxious, have you noticed that?
[sighs] Well, we’ve all been caught unawares by this. Whether you were outside when the horde arrived or stuck inside like me, you’ll be there for quite a while. So um, all right! My job is to keep morale up! Does it help keep morale up to say this is a really crappy situation, but one day it will definitely be over? Also - also, you know what helps keep morale up? Dancing! So I’m-I’m just going to put on a tune and uh, well, if you can, get up and dance while it’s on. Or chair dance or wiggle your eyes. Yeah, okay. [laughs] This one always gets me moving.
[paper rustles]
SAM YAO: Okay, okay, I do have something here! I have Ministry guidelines on exercises that can be done at home. So I tell you what. I’m in the comms shack, so while I do the exercises myself, I’ll read out their instructions and time them, okay? And then if you’re also stuck inside, you can do them along with me. Hey, even if you’re not stuck inside, you can do them. It’ll be fun, or at least distracting.
Anyway, after I’ve explained every exercise, I’ll play a song, and if you’re tired, you can use the song to rest. But if you’ve got loads of energy, use the songs to continue the exercise, or I don’t know, just dance around. Obviously, you must judge for yourself how you’re feeling. Don’t push yourself too hard and don’t do it if it hurts. Okay? Okay. We can do this.
[paper rustles] Okay. Um, first exercise is step ups. We’re gonna step on and off a stair for 30 seconds with each leg. Now if you’re near some stairs, use the bottom one or whichever stair is furthest from the zombies, I guess. If you haven’t got stairs, use something sturdy and stable to step up onto. So like, well, not a wobbly box. It also says here, uh, yeah. If you can, try not to use your back leg too much to push off with and don’t let your knees go over your toes. This exercise will strengthen your thighs. Hmmm.
Okay, I’m going to use the step down into the comms shack. [chair creaks, cloth rustles] Okay, let’s do it for 30 seconds. First leg. Ready, and… [breathy sounds from doing exercise] Wow. That is burning more than I thought. 15 seconds to go. Okay, time to change legs. Another 30 seconds, and go! Ow. 15 seconds to go. Right, that’s it. If you feel like that was too easy - too easy! - you can do it more during this song, or even hold a weight next time. Maybe a tin of beans? Now if you need a rest, here’s a song that always makes me think of long summer afternoons.
SAM YAO: You know what? I actually can feel that in my thighs. Also, building those muscles will come in handy for running up stairs away from zombies, so you know, life skills?
Whoa, man. Now I don’t know where you all are, but it looks really weird out there. Like, I’m used to seeing the streets empty, the fields deserted, but now, just all the zombies. The crowd of them is like swirling. I’m starting to see patterns in it. Like there! There, look! Those two gaps have opened up in the horde like eyes. Oh my God, there! That gap under the eyes, it’s like totally a smiling mouth!
You see it right? Uh, well, I-I guess if you can see the same horde as me. Anyway, time for another dance break. Make sure you throw some good shapes to this song, and have a good time imagining me going wild to it as well.
SAM YAO: I don’t know about you, but I’m getting a pretty good workout here. Janine popped her head round the door to say if you don’t like dancing, you can always run on the spot during the music breaks. But who doesn’t like dancing? Dancing is what separates us from the zombies. Even Janine likes dancing, as long as there are loads of rules she can learn about how to do it properly.
All right, next exercise. Oh, [laughs] this one sounds fun. Dead bug walking. The instructions are lie on your back with your arms and legs in the air like a dying bug. Wow, that’s kind of sad for the bug. Maybe we can lie on our backs with our arms and legs in the air like a puppy asking for a belly rub. Okay? Right. Sorry. Then we walk our arms and legs in the air for one minute as rapidly as we can. Okay, that sounds interesting. Right, down on the ground. [chair creaks, cloth rustles] Okay, now I’m going to do it… One minute. Ready? Go!
[breathy sounds from doing exercise] Anyone else getting their arms and legs a bit tangled? Because I… 30 seconds to go. [mutters repeatedly] Buggy buggy bug, buggy buggy bug… puppy puppy pup, puppy puppy pup, buggy buggy… [out loud] Okay, that’s that one! [microphone creaks] And if you’re feeling tired out, take a rest. Otherwise, carry on with the buggy buggy exercise or dance or yeah, jog in a military fashion during this next song, which I happen to know both dogs and bugs really enjoy. Hmmm.
SAM YAO: Amazing! I can feel my blood pumping again. Oh man, just sitting down has not been good for me. Okay. Hey, this-this does feel good, actually. Someone should look into whether exercise improves your mental health or something. [sighs] Yes, yes. Janine is letting me know that before the apocalypse… I-I know, Janine! I know.
It feels nice to be connected to everyone, too. I don’t know where you all are, but thinking of you all doing this with me, it’s almost like we’re together. And you know, my runners are like… [sighs] I mean, you mean a lot to me, that’s all. Now if you’re stuck at home, please come and tell us where you are on Rofflenet, or send us a message. That way, I can imagine you all as we’re exercising together. I could even do shout-outs, like a real DJ!
And like a real DJ, I’m gonna put on another song! Use it to dance to, or to jog on the spot to. Or if the space you’re in is looking incredibly messy, you could use it to tidy up. Janine said I should say that one. I don't… [scoffs] Anyway, here’s a song to clean up your space to.
SAM YAO: Okay. I have to say, it is nice that the shack doesn’t have, well, so many piles of papers lying around. Here’s the final proper exercise of the day. We’re going to do some bodyweight squats. Here’s the Ministry’s instructions. [paper rustles] I’ll read it slowly.
Stand upright with your arms by your sides and your feet hip distance apart. Okay, done. Now squat down as if you were about to sit in a chair. That’s good, because I’m right next to my chair. [paper rustles] It says here take care that your knees don’t come out further than your feet as you squat. Your bottom should be sticking out. Okay. Hang on. Now this is important. If you need support, you can slide down a wall. Amazing! Okay. We’re going to do this for one minute. Ready? And go!
Oh my God, my legs are going to fall off! Only 30 seconds to go. Oh boy! Ah, that’s it. One minute of squats. Good work, everyone. I’m gonna take a break, shake my legs out, and then maybe do some dancing. Janine doesn’t appreciate my Electric Slide, but she just has no taste. If you have stronger thighs than me, carry on doing squats. Or dance, or have a rest. Here we go. Music to ignore the zombie horde by.
SAM YAO: Oh my God, that song takes me back! [laugh] Right, I was at college, and this bloke in the room next door just could not stop playing it. Literally. Set his alarm to play it every single morning. Now turned out his boyfriend also couldn’t stand it, so we decided to make up an internet story that listening to that particular song on repeat had been linked to bleeding from the eyes.
I mean, he was a really great guy, Gadney, but not the smartest. And me and Dill paid for Facebook ads targeted at literally only him about the mystery music illness. And he believed it! We both said we’d heard about it, too, and we were really worried about him.
I bet you think this story is going to end with them both going zom, right? But no! They’re in a commune in Sunderland. So if you happen to have heard this, Gadney, I’m sorry. That song won’t actually make your eardrums burst. It’s great - in moderation!
Anyway, we’re nearly done. It’s time for cooldown. Do some gentle stretches or dance - but like, less energetically? - to this next mega hit.
SAM YAO: [sighs] Ah, that was a good one. Chill. Like hopeful at the same time, you know? Okay. Hm. This has been fun. Now I know some of you runners are far enough away from the horde to be able to run outside without getting close to any of the zoms, but doing these exercises has really made me feel better. Hopefully it’s made you all feel better, too.
We’re going to do it again soon, with more exercises and maybe other things. I might even take requests! Come and talk to me on Rofflenet. Send me a message, let me know what you’d like to hear. And I think a few other runners out there have microphones, so you never know who you’ll hear from next!
Yeah. My dad said zhàogù hǎo zìjǐ every time me and my sister went away. Hmm. So that’s what I’m going to say, too. Zhàogù hǎo zìjǐ, which means take care of yourself. And I’ve never meant it more. Stay safe out there.
Codex[]
Letter[]
Hey Five,
Phew, what a workout! I know you Abel Runners are probably used to something more strenuous than squats and step-ups, and what Janine calls "needlessly enthusiastic" dancing, but I really do appreciate you joining in today. It makes me feel less alone, knowing you're out there somewhere, doing the same moves. I hope it helped you feel a little less alone too - or at the very least, I hope that the mental image of me flailing on the floor like an overturned turtle makes you laugh!
I think I'll try and hold another one of these dance break/comms shack workout sessions some time soon, if you fancied joining in again, and if my legs ever stop feeling like jelly, which... frankly remains to be seen. I have no idea how you runners make this look so effortless - I didn't even know my face COULD turn that red!
In all seriousness... I know the situation feels pretty grim right now, and that it's hard and scary not knowing when things will start to improve. I think in light of that, it's more important than ever to be kind to ourselves and each other, even if it just means reaching out to people a little more often, or sharing virtual cups of tea over ROFFLENET. Even if we can't be together physically, I hope you know that I'm always thinking of you guys, and that I'm there with you in spirit, cheering you on from the comms shack. We're a pretty tough bunch here at Abel Township, and more importantly, we're a bloody good team. We've made it this far, you know? We've got this.
Now, I think I'm going to go make a cup of tea before I fall over. I think you should do something nice for yourself today too, if you can!
Stay safe out there, Five.
Love,
Sam
Supplies[]
The following supplies can be found in this mission.
Anti-depressants
Baseball Bat
Board game
Candles
Cricket bat
Dress
First Aid Kit
Flashlight
Football
Laptop
Makeup
Mobile Phone
Overcoat
Pain Meds
Shirt
Shorts
Sports Bra
Trainers
Umbrella
Underwear
Whisky
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