The zombies are encroaching. Time is running out, and there's an obvious suspect in the murders. But the more Jody and Chris find out about the life of the victim, the more certain they are that there's more to this case than meets the eye.
Cast[]
- Chris McShell
- Jody Marsh
- Rose
- Geri Kim
- Manisha Plassard
- Keith Carroway
- Sheila Anthwaite
- Professor Walter Huebner
Transcript[]
CHRIS MCSHELL: How many are there?
JODY MARSH: A big chunk of the fence has come down. It’s… it’s all of them! We can see them in the dark, facing against the windows. How did it get to nearly midnight?
ROSE: There’s maybe a thousand of them. Hope you enjoyed your wee jog, Jody. Last time for a bit, eh?
GERI: Well, you never know. Someone could land a chopper on the roof.
MANISHA: Who’s going to send a chopper for us? The SAS?
JODY MARSH: Abel, our home township, they said they’d send someone.
CHRIS MCSHELL: They don’t have choppers, though.
KEITH: I can’t handle this. I really cannot handle this. It’s too much. Zombies, Callum dying. I don’t know why you’re all expecting me to handle this.
SHEILA: You’ll be all right when you have a cup of tea in you, love. Wait. Aren’t you Keith Carroway, off of Who Will Be The Next Celebrity Windsurfing Champion? I loved you in that.
KEITH: Yes! Yes, I am! Oh, we had such a laugh making that program, and near here, actually. Brightwater Lake, gorgeous place. And the crew were just so kind -
PROF: I hate to interrupt you, Keith, but we do need to get working on boarding up the windows.
[recorder fast forwards]
[furniture scrapes across floor, people hammer nails into boards]
SHEILA: Front door’s done. Could do with another few boards at the back.
CHRIS MCSHELL: I’m so sorry there’s nothing I can do to help everyone. I’d as likely hit my thumb as a nail.
MANISHA: It’s not your fault. We all know it was Keith who blinded you. Anyway, I’ve done the kitchen.
KEITH: We’ve nailed boards and doors across the sitting room windows. We make a great team, eh, Prof?
PROF: Ah, yes. Possibly.
KEITH: Cheer up, Prof! Me, Manisha, and Callum were once trapped like this. Except much worse, because we were in this house in Rickmansworth, and all we had to drink was a bath full of water with dog’s hair in. Oh my God, it was gross. We had to filter it through this old lady’s tights -
MANISHA: The point is, the horde eventually moved on. Hordes do get distracted and move on, if you keep very quiet.
CHRIS MCSHELL: Yes. Zombies appear to have no long-term memory. If there’s no movement or sound from a building, they eventually become distracted.
GERI: So that’s the plan? We can send a signal out, but there’s no way to know if anyone’s received it, so no hope of rescue. We just sit here and play Mahjong upstairs and hope they lose interest?
CHRIS MCSHELL: Well, sometimes they can be distracted by non-human noises, especially if they’ve recently turned.
SHEILA: Oh, that reminds me. I should take my clothes off now. [unzips clothing]
KEITH: Uh, Sheila, love, we’re not having any funny business. Just because it’s the apocalypse doesn’t mean it goes all Eyes Wide Shut, okay?
SHEILA: Oh, well, the rest of you don’t need to. I expect you’ve done each other already, haven’t you?
PROF: You should rest, Sheila. You’ve been through quite an ordeal -
SHEILA: No, no, I know how this works. Nice group of people like you take me in, I have to get my kit off. I can do it just in front of the ladies, if you like.
GERI: No, whoa whoa whoa, you really don’t have to -
MANISHA: No no, there’s really no need to do that -
SHEILA: Oh no, you can’t trust that I haven’t been bitten. We’ve all heard the stories. You let someone in, they turn, everyone in the house dies. No, no, I don’t expect you to take my word for it.
ALL: Oh… [laughter]
CHRIS MCSHELL: You’re right, Sheila. With all that’s happened, we’ve forgotten to do bite checks. Uh, ladies in the billiard room, gentlemen in the lounge? And uh, while you’re at it, Jody, perhaps you could fill Sheila in on what’s happened here. Take a field recorder with you.
[recorder fast forwards]
[clothing unzips]
SHEILA: I see. So one of you is a murderer.
JODY MARSH: Pretty much. Not me or Chris, but it could be any of the rest of them.
SHEILA: And you found this Callum’s computer, and someone smashed the radio receiver, and Chris is temporarily blinded, and there are control panels that work all the gizmos in the house, but you can’t get them working.
MANISHA: That’s about the size of it.
JODY MARSH: You’re all right, Sheila. Not a bite on you anywhere.
SHEILA: And you, my lovely. Ooh, I like this tattoo. I always thought I’d get one of those to cover my stretch marks. Never got around to it. Is it one of those rappers?
JODY MARSH: No, it’s… it’s a TV show I used to like.
GERI: Cool! I always wanted to get one of Lion from Steven Universe, because like – [imitates lion growl, laughs] I like your tats, Rose. That’s quite a collection.
ROSE: Aye, well, there are things you want to remember forever, you know?
JODY MARSH: What’s that one? The roaring panther tearing the flesh from, what, a giant ogre?
ROSE: That’s my dad. The ogre.
MANISHA: Rough childhood, huh? I like these dotted ones on your arm.
ROSE: Aye, a friend did those for me. You’re clean, Manisha, not a bite amongst us. One of us might be the killer, but we’re not zombies. Yet.
GERI: The night is young, and one of us is a psycho killer.
JODY MARSH: Listen, I keep thinking about this question, right? Maybe you’ve thought about it, too. If we do find out who killed Callum, what are we even going to do with them? There are no prisons.
MANISHA: Maybe hand them over to the authorities?
GERI: But how would you even know which authorities to trust? They’re not all what they seem. I’ve heard stories.
ROSE: The Ministry’s just one wee man on a bike. No, there’s only one thing we can do with a murderer.
[recorder fast forwards]
PROF: Kill them? That’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?
KEITH: You’re clean, Prof. No bites anywhere, and looking very healthy for a man your age, I must say.
PROF: Oh, I… thank you, Keith. I do try to keep young in body and mind.
KEITH: You wouldn’t believe some of the bodies on celebs I’ve seen. I mean, they keep their faces in good nick, but the rest of it’s like a melted candle. No, if we do find out who killed Callum, I mean, we just have to kill them anyway. Only solution.
PROF: Returning to the older ways of justice. Mankind reverting to animal. No bites on you, Chris. We’re all clean. Take my word for it. I’ve seen both of your… everything.
CHRIS MCSHELL: I’m not convinced, though. About the killing, I mean. Don’t you think that there could be some satisfaction in finding out the truth? Just so that we’d know it for ourselves. The sort of tidiness to it. We’ve all lost so much that one holds onto these things.
PROF: Mm. I know what you mean. I feel that way about my lab. One tiny square of the mad world that I can keep… yes. Tidy. I wish I could get back there. The experiments need my attention. Goodness knows what will happen without me.
CHRIS MCSHELL: We’d all like to get out, Professor. But zombies.
PROF: Yes. I should never have come here. I had the address of some Pandora Haze centers owned by the company. I came hoping that there’d be some useful scientific equipment here, but all I’ve found is cardboard stags...and death.
CHRIS MCSHELL: You knew this place was Pandora Haze?
PROF: Well, I hoped. I bought that list on the black market. If we’re finished here, clothes on. And Keith, perhaps you’d like to accompany me downstairs. There’s a sprung floor in one of the practice rooms, we could raid for boards to make the back windows more secure.
KEITH: Me? I didn’t think you cared, Prof.
[recorder fast forwards]
SHEILA: None of us are bitten, then. Time to get on with finding our murderer.
GERI: I’ve never heard a lady so excited about murder.
SHEILA: Oh, I just love those TV shows. Rosemary and Thyme, Murder She Wrote, Inspector Morse. Takes your mind off things to have something else to think about, doesn’t it?
JODY MARSH: Yeah. So me and Chris have been working as a team to sort through everything -
MANISHA: What do you think we should do next, Sheila? We’ve tried searching the house, but we found no one.
GERI: Well, we did find Callum’s laptop just before we rescued you.
SHEILA: That’s where we should start then, isn’t it? Journalist gets murdered, you want to find out what dirt they had on who. Geri and Jody, do you want to just finish searching this bit of the house? Just to make sure we’re safe. Everyone else, let’s look at that laptop now.
[recorder fast forwards]
[laptop beeps]
KEITH: Don’t you want to take your coat off, Sheila, love?
SHEILA: Oh no, I’m chilly without my duffel. I’m no use with computers, mind. I tried learning down the library, but I couldn’t get the knack. E-mail, that’s my limit.
CHRIS MCSHELL: One of the others can give it a go if you’re uncertain, Sheila.
MANISHA: No, no, let her do it. Why not? There are worse ways to spend the hours before death than watching an old lady finding her way around a Sony Vaio.
SHEILA: What’s happened? Why hasn’t it turned on?
GERI: You just press this -
[laptop beeps and whirs]
CHRIS MCSHELL: It doesn’t sound very happy.
SHEILA: Did I break it?
KEITH: Oh, probably not, sweetheart.
SHEILA: But it won’t turn on! Am I doing something wrong?
CHRIS MCSHELL: Oh, that noise sounds like a hard drive failure.
MANISHA: Callum was using it just a couple of days ago. Hooked it up to his mobile. It was fine.
ROSE: Reminds me – we found Callum’s mobile. That’s still working, at least. I suppose it might be some comfort to you to have it.
MANISHA: Oh. Yes. Yes, thank you, Rose. Look, there are still two saved voice mails on it. I know what these are. They’re his favorite messages, ones he saved and listened to over and over.
AUTOMATED VOICE: First saved message.
[phone beeps]
MANISHA: Oh hi, Callum. It’s me, Manisha. You’re old friend, the murderer. When will I kill again? [mocking sinister laughter followed by genuine laughter]
[phone beeps]
MANISHA: This is not what it sounds like.
ROSE: You have been hiding things.
MANISHA: No, they’re joke messages from me. Play the other one, you’ll see.
SHEILA: I think we’d better, love.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Second saved message.
[phone beeps]
CALLER: Callum! Just wanted to congratulate you on that top plastic surgery piece. Top notch, just superb.
[phone beeps]
MANISHA: Oh… that’s not what I thought he’d saved. It was supposed to be another joke message from me. They were jokes.
ROSE: That second one didn’t sound like a joke. Sounded like he saved messages he thought were important, so… you’re a murderer, Manisha?
[recorder fast forwards]
[door closes]
CHRIS MCSHELL: It’s just the three of us, Manisha
JODY MARSH: The others agree we can talk to you alone, calmly.
[door bursts open]
KEITH: Manisha! I can’t believe it! I mean, we’ve been travelling together for months, and now you’ve killed Callum!
MANISHA: I didn’t! Maybe it was you, Keith. You always hated him.
KEITH: You always hated him! Did she tell you how she knows Callum?
JODY MARSH: They were friends from way back?
KEITH: Yeah, Manisha. Old friends? How did you meet? At the yoga studio down the [?]? Tell them!
MANISHA: Callum - ! We met because Callum slept with my wife.
JODY MARSH: No! Oh my God! Did you kill him?
MANISHA: If I’d wanted to kill him, I’ve had a million chances on the road, haven’t I? I’m a doctor, but I’ve saved his life more than once. So have you, Keith.
KEITH: Manisha, you’re so clever. If either of us wanted to kill him, why would we do it surrounded by witnesses?
CHRIS MCSHELL: So why did you leave Callum that message calling yourself a killer?
MANISHA: I haven’t killed anyone. But I did… let someone die. It was after I found out about Andi – that was my wife – and Callum. I was so angry, I confronted Callum. Wanted to know how long it had been going on. I knew Andi would just lie to me.
[laughs] You know, it’s all… it’s so long ago! And before all this. It feels like I’m talking about someone else’s life.
[sighs] I was angry, and Callum knew why. I just wanted to know the truth, and he got that. He told me everything – no bullshit, no half-truths. I… liked him. He was like me. [laughs] I suppose Andi had a type. We ended up having a drink and laughing about this noise Andi used to make in bed, this sort of – [imitates noise] – like an elephant!
JODY MARSH: Bet Andi didn’t like that.
MANISHA: No! I confronted her. She said she and Callum were in love. I laughed, and I said that I knew that wasn’t true. She was never very stable, poor Andi. Very attractive, not very insightful. Younger than me and Callum. She took an overdose. Some of the stuff I had around the house from the clinic. I found her in the kitchen, frothing at the mouth. And I just… didn’t call the ambulance… until I knew she was gone.
I told Callum. He’d told me everything, after all. He had this way of just understanding. Look, that was Callum! He’d seen a lot, you know, in his life? He never told me the story, but I know he had a sister in prison.
CHRIS MCSHELL: A sister? Really?
MANISHA: Yeah. He never talked about her, except to say they weren’t in touch. Even after all we shared, he wouldn’t tell me why. Never talked about his childhood, but I knew it was tough. That was why he wanted to be a journo – to give the silenced people a voice, he said.
KEITH: That’s really beautiful, Manisha. It really is. Poor Callum.
MANISHA: Do you know what really upsets me?
KEITH: What’s that, love?
MANISHA: He must have deleted the other message I sent him. You know I said they were jokes. He said he’s always keep that other one because it was so funny.
CHRIS MCSHELL: What was it?
MANISHA: Oh, just a silly thing. I got someone to impersonate the CEO of Pandora Haze, to leave Callum a message thanking him for getting her off all charges in that Somalia case he reported on. We share a dark sense of humor. But he must have deleted it! Maybe he didn’t think it was so funny. Maybe he died thinking I was crass, and never being able to tell me.
KEITH: Oh, love, he cared about you a lot.
MANISHA: So, that’s how I’m a killer. I mean, it’s not great, I admit. Want to throw me to the zombies now?
KEITH: I’d never let them do that. I’d throw myself in front of you first.
CHRIS MCSHELL: And can you think of any of Callum’s old stories that might have motivated someone to kill him?
MANISHA: Um… well, there was a bloke off X Factor he caught pooing into a post box. I think he turned zom live on Radio 4. Uh, and that woman who played the police officer in EastEnders. She slept with the actors who played her character’s son, and daughter, and granddaughter. But that wasn’t illegal, just titillating.
Um, there was that news reader who turned out to like being crucified in a dungeon in Knightsbridge, but that just got him a lot more work on Channel 5. There were a lot of people who did drugs, but who’d care about that now? No, I can’t think of anything.
KEITH: Are we finished now? I want to go see if I can find some cocoa. Nish, I’ll make you cocoa.
MANISHA: Um, yeah, sure.
[recorder clicks]
JODY MARSH: What do you think, Chris? Was she telling the truth?
CHRIS MCSHELL: The sincerity in her voice was unmistakable. I have an idea. Someone deleted a message from Callum’s phone, and I suspect it wasn’t him. Let’s review the tapes.
JODY MARSH: Do you know who the killer is?
CHRIS MCSHELL: I can’t be sure, but I have an idea.
[recorder clicks]
[door opens]
CHRIS MCSHELL: Are they all here, Jody?
JODY MARSH: Rose and the Prof, Geri and Sheila are all here in the sitting room.
CHRIS MCSHELL: That’ll do.
GERI: Do for what, man?
CHRIS MCSHELL: I believe I’ve uncovered our murderer.
ROSE: Oh aye, and how do you think you’ve done that?
CHRIS MCSHELL: You know, it’s funny. Even though a person can move from one side of the country to the other, there are certain traces of accent that can never be removed. The way Callum had of saying the word “good” – a short vowel, absolutely distinctive of an upbringing in the west of Scotland. Rather like you, Rose.
ROSE: Aye. What of it?
CHRIS MCSHELL: And then there’s that rather unusual phrase you both used – “put your feet on,” meaning stand up and go for a walk.
ROSE: Doesn’t prove anything.
PROF: What are you suggesting?
CHRIS MCSHELL: When you were being examined for zombie bites, Rose, Jody spotted some rather amateurish tattoos on you.
JODY MARSH: Aw yeah! Well, I didn’t say they were amateurish. That’s a bit rude. They’re dotted, is all.
GERI: Oh. Like they were homemade? Oh, I see what you’re getting at.
PROF: Do you? I’m completely in the dark, I’m afraid.
GERI: He thinks they’re prison tattoos. Yeah, could be. Definitely could be. You never did want to tell us anything about your past, Rose.
ROSE: So? I’ve been in prison. So what?
CHRIS MCSHELL: I suggest that you are Callum’s sister in prison. That’s why you and Callum had that rather odd conversation about forgiveness on the doorstep of the house after the doorbell rang. You hadn’t forgiven him for abandoning you in prison. That is why you tracked him here today.
JODY MARSH: But how would she have found him?
CHRIS MCSHELL: Yes, that’s been puzzling me, too. She might have known where he would be likely to go. This place belongs to Pandora Haze, after all.
SHEILA: It’s just a guess, but she could have listened to the voice mail messages on his phone. You know, most people never change their voice mail PIN number. If there was any message on there that said where he’d be coming -
CHRIS MCSHELL: Yes. Yes, that makes sense. We know from Manisha that someone had been in there, deleting messages he intended to keep. And when you tracked him here, you killed him. [ominous music plays] You are the murderer.
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