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"The Man Who Sold the World" is the tenth mission of Season 3.

This ghost from the past may seem scary, but they have valuable information to share.

Cast[]

Crew[]

Scenes[]

Suit Yourself
Runner 3 confesses he’s been trying to catch you alone for weeks; he claims he has valuable information about Van Ark, but why should you trust a traitor?

What It's Worth
The Dedlocks descend upon you in a flurry of gunfire, but Simon comes to the rescue - he promises to keep you safe, but that’s not particularly reassuring.

Just Like Old Times
Simon tells you that he did not see the point in defending himself against Jamie or the horde that mauled him afterwards, but ironically he couldn’t die.

A Moral In There Somewhere
Simon explains that the results of Van Ark’s treatments are depended on each subject’s DNA, and muses that only time will tell how they will affect you.

A Fair Exchange
He reminds you that the citizens of Abel wouldn’t hesitate to shoot you if you got bitten, before asking you whether you’d’ve done the same as him.

Wrong Choice
He gives you two options: stick with him, or run back to Abel. You choose the latter, but turns out there was never a choice.

Favour
Simon reveals he managed to find out the location of all of Van Ark’s bases, one of which contained a stack of research on Comansys, which he now gifts to you.

Transcript[]

[gunshots]

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Hold up, Five! My superb fitness levels have fallen a bit, recently. [laughs] Funny, that. Never would have imagined getting beaten half to death would have had a negative affect on my stamina.

It is me, you know. Your old mucker Simon. Yeah, I would take the mask off, only I don’t think you’d want to see what’s underneath. [laughs] There’s enough nightmare fuel around for everyone, these days, isn’t there? No need to give you any extra.

For God’s sake, Five, stop running away! I’ve been trying to get you alone for weeks. I’ve got some intel that you’re going to find very interesting about a certain someone. I’ll give you a clue – rhymes with “Pan Dark”.

Five, I’m not kidding! Oh, never mind that now, just listen to me – you’re going the wrong way. You can’t hear Sam because the Dedlocks have got a signal blocker, and you’re running slap-bang into an ambush. You need to turn left. Left! [laughs] Suit yourself! Don’t say I didn’t warn you.


DEDLOCK: Get 'em, lads! [gunshots]

DEDLOCK: Give it up, pal, you’re surrounded!

DEDLOCK: That was a warning, Abel runner. Next one goes through your head!

[gunshots]

SIMON LAUCHLAN: No, I don’t think so!

DEDLOCK: Who the hell is that?

DEDLOCK: I don’t know, they’re wearing a mask!

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Quick, Five, over here. I can’t get them all.

DEDLOCK: They’re getting away – after 'em!

SIMON LAUCHLAN: I’ve been practicing my marksmanship. I hope you’re impressed, Five. Stick with me, and I’ll see you safe. I’d give you my word on that, but you know what that’s worth, don’t you? Yeah, I know what you think it’s worth.


[gunshots]

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Not in the clear yet, Five. We’re right in the heart of Dedlock territory. They’ve got the whole area from the river to the industrial estate locked tighter than a gnat’s chuff. [laughs] Looking for you, I’ve explored a few back roads, if you know what I mean.

Silent treatment, then, is it? Yeah, I know. That’s always been your way. Even though you must have a thousand questions, like, “How come you’re still alive, Simon? Didn’t Jamie beat you to death, Simon? Why have you only got one hand, Simon? What happened to your face, Simon, what the hell happened to your face?”

Do you know, I really did think Jamie was going to kill me. That’s not his way, oh no. He’s too bloody moral by half, is Jamie. Just a few punches, kick in the stomach. Don’t know why he didn’t go the whole hog and slap me. Like he couldn’t even be bothered to do it properly. Like he didn’t think I was worth it.

Then he heard the zoms coming. Do you know what he did after that, Five, do you? He chucked that baseball bat down by my right hand. “That’s more chance than you gave any of us,” he said. Mister bloody high and mighty. And then he ran off, and left me to the zoms.

I couldn’t see the point, Five. Couldn’t see any reason to fight them off. Thought I’d just lie there and just let it happen. And then they were on me, a whole great horde of them, gray and rotten and stinking to high heaven. My God, the smell of them, Five. You’ve never known pain like it. It went on and on and on, worse than I could have imagined.

And then it went on some more. I don’t know how long it was before I realized it wasn’t ending. I wasn’t dying. I don’t think I can anymore. How funny is that? I got exactly what I wanted, and all it cost was everything that mattered. It was too late by the time I knew. My left hand was gone, and my face. Anyway, look at me, rabbitting on when there’s a Dedlock checkpoint up ahead. You can be sneaky, can’t you, Five? You and me, we can sneak past together. Just like old times, yeah? [laughs] Just like old times.


SIMON LAUCHLAN: Feels good, doesn’t it? [sings] “Out on the run again, enemies on our tail.” [regular speaking voice] Freedom ahead, a song in our hearts, probably ABBA. And uh, oh yeah, you might want to duck. Sorry about that, should have warned you earlier. [flies buzzing] It’s my perimeter defense. Keeps out all the Dedlocks, and the Dedlocks keep out any other undesirables, leaving me nice and safe and hidden in the heart of their territory. Quite a clever idea, if I do say so myself.

Do you like it? My forest of limbs? Mostly arms, but I hang up the occasional leg, too, just for variety. It’s very handy. [laughs] Get it? “Handy”? “Handy”, you know, hands? [laughs] I’ve been harvesting them for weeks, now. Well, it’s a hobby. Helps me fill up the long, lonely days. And it’s not like they can hurt me. I think I’m immune.

Van Ark’s treatments, they were always unpredictable. One person they’d kill, another person they’d give the exact same thing, and they’d end up with bloody super powers, near enough! He said it was retroviral, keyed to each individual’s DNA. Never found out exactly what it did to me. Just let them give me the jabs and hoped. Crazy, when I think about it now. Benefit of hindsight, eh, Five? He treated you, too, didn’t he? I wish I could tell you what he’d done to you, but I don’t think even he knew. Still, time will tell. Time always tells.

Oh, mind your head there, Five. I call that one my burned oak. Fished all of those zom parts out of a fire, still twitching. They’re still twitching now, ugh, hideous, isn’t it? Not like me. I used to think I was so perfect. The body beautiful, that was me. All those days at the gym, the tanning salon. I even had my chest waxed once.

None of it mattered, though. It didn’t stop what was going on inside, where the gym and the tan couldn’t touch. Every moment in that perfect body of mine, cells dividing and dividing and dividing until someday, just one of them, only one, that’s all it takes. Then suddenly, you’ve got your own death growing inside you. I was pretty on the outside, but inside, I was just rotting away. Probably a moral in there somewhere, if you’re the sort of person who believes in that kind of thing.


SIMON LAUCHLAN: Oh, careful now, Five. Don’t think you’re out of the woods just because you’re out of the trees. There’s still my little minefield to get through. Couldn’t let those zom heads go to waste. Be careful where you step, now. I left the spinal cords attached, so the heads could still bite. See there, thrashing around like a knobbly white snake. Don’t want you getting infected, do we? They’d shoot you, you know. All your good friends at Abel. First hint of gray, first little tickly cough, and it’s bang! Bang! They turn on you so fast, even the ones you l-

Jenny didn’t hang about, did she? First suggestion I might not be a hundred percent kosher, and she breaks out the UZIs! [laughs] And what about you, Five? Did it give you a little pang, the tiniest little twinge when you heard I’d turned to the dark side? No, I don’t think so. You all knew it. You all sensed it. What I’m really like.

Wicked to the core! That’s what my gran told me when I was eleven and she caught me sneaking a ciggie[1] outside the school gate. “Ripe with sin!” she’d say. That’s what you could all see. The sin just emanating off me, like evil B.O. [laughs]

You’d have done it, though, Five, wouldn’t you? If you’d have had the chance. Immortality, who wouldn’t? And Van Ark never asked much. Just a little bit of intel, just a little sample of our anti-zom spray. Where was the harm in that? I didn’t know Archie was going to die, of course I didn’t! I liked Arch. She was fun!

You were all going to die, anyway, sooner or later. No one escapes the zoms forever, so what did it matter if I rang your bell a little early? I could take a few days off your lives in exchange for centuries extra of mine. Millennia! It seemed like such a fair exchange! It’s amazing, Five, the things you can make yourself believe.


SIMON LAUCHLAN: Been a while since we’ve seen any Dedlocks. Starting to get edgy, Five? [laughs] You look like you are. You look like a person who’s starting to think that maybe they don’t need old Simon anymore. Use me and throw me away, is that right? Yeah, of course it is. It’s okay, I understand. I wouldn’t trust me either. But I really do need to talk to you.

And here we are! That weeping willow beside this stream? Last landmark before we get there. So, this is it, Five. Make your mind up time. Stick with Simon, after all he’s done for you, after he saved you from the Dedlocks, led you right through the heart of their territory without a scratch, or toss him aside, and go back to your loyal friends at Abel.

Oh, oh, oh, that’s the way it’s going to be, is it? Sorry, [cocks gun] wrong choice. I can’t let you go, not yet. So just keep running.


SIMON LAUCHLAN: Nearly there, Five. Nearly at my lair. [sinister laugh] See those bushes on the horizon? I’ve got a little hut hidden up there. Not much, I know, but I’m working my way up to a super villain base in a volcano. Because I am the bad guy, we all know that. It’s the way Abel works – black and white, saint and sinner, them and us. Everyone, and then nasty Simon who only cared about himself.

Do you believe in forgiveness, Five? Me, I was brought up Catholic. All that repentance stuff is part of the package. A few Hail Marys, a couple of Our Fathers, and Bob’s your uncle. Only it’s all rubbish. Even when I was a kid, I thought it made God seem a total moke. As if He’s some kind of poor abused wife. You treat him like shit, and the next day you’re back with a bottle of communion wine and a bunch of rosaries, telling Him, aw, you love Him really, and won’t He please take you back? I never saw how that could work.

Anyway, look at me waxing all philosophical. Just push that ivy out of the way, Five, and uh, – [lock rattles, door creaks open] And here we are! Home sweet home! Ah, there’s no need to look so bloody nervous, I haven’t brought you here to kill you and eat you, you know. Who do you think I am, Jeffrey Dahmer? [rummages]

Van Ark didn’t trust me, you know. Didn’t trust anyone. But he wasn’t as sneaky as he thought. I managed to find out where all his bases were, not just the ones he wanted me to know about. Since he died, I’ve been trawling through them, looking for – well, I’m sure you can guess. I didn’t find it, anyway, but at a little underground lab near here, I did find something else. A certain stack of research about a certain company called Comansys. I know you’re interested in them, been listening in to that chatterbox, Sam, and you know me! I do like to be helpful. [paper rustles] So there they are. A present for you. Van Ark’s notes on Comansys. Half of it’s in code, but what I could decipher made for a very interesting reading.

[furiously] Oh, take it, for God’s sake. Take it and go! [calmly] Only please, just one favor. Tell them you found it yourself. Don’t tell them about me. Let Jenny, let everyone think that I’m dead. After all, I should be. Now go. Go!

Codex[]

Artefact[]

Van Ark’s files

They’re mostly in code, but someone at Abel might make head or tail of them.

S03E10 Van Ark’s files

Supplies[]

The following supplies can be found in this mission.

(List may be incomplete.)

Bandages Bandages
Baseball Bat Baseball Bat
Batteries Batteries
Book Book
Bottled Water Bottled Water
Box of Lightbulbs Box of Lightbulbs
Cooking knife Cooking knife
Deoderant Deodorant
Fuel Can Fuel Can
Hairbrush Hairbrush
Laptop Laptop
Lock pick Lock pick
Mobile Phone Mobile Phone
Money Money
Notebook Notebook
Pain Meds Pain Meds
Paintbrush Paintbrush
Pencil Pencil
Playing cards Playing cards
Radio Radio
Sewing Kit Sewing Kit
Shirt Shirt
Tinned Food Tinned Food
Tool Box Tool Box
Toothbrush Toothbrush
Trousers Trousers
Underwear Underwear
USB Key USB Key
Whisky Whisky

Base Unlocks[]

The following objects unlock for your Base upon completing this mission.

Outdoor Biology Lab (addon for the School)

  • Description: Where kids can learn to be just like Dr. Myers.
  • Cost: 5 supplies, 1 material
  • Effect: Increases defence.

Trivia[]

  • Radio Cabel has a segment called Newsfright in which they present a satirical news report based on the events of certain missions. For this mission, they say that Runner Five has been kidnapped by the Phantom of Abel and is being ransomed for an odd variety of mundane objects.[2]

References[]

  1. Note: This word is a placeholder; the actual word used, a British slang term for 'cigarette', is blocked by Fandom's Terms of Service, as they consider it a slur regardless of context.
  2. Season 3 Radio Mode: "Odd Socks"
Missions
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