Carrying a child straight through dangerous territory doesn't sound like a great idea - but what choice do you have?



Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My Edit

Jamie suspects Carena is having an asthma attack, but there's not enough left in her inhaler to calm her erratic breathing.

Trespassing Be Damned Edit

Runner 3 enjoys the natural habitat and Carena seems to be doing better as you run through the safari park.

Shame To Waste The Meat Edit

The park keeper informs Runner 3 that most of the safari's animals are dead; she's fed them all to the lions, who now have a taste for human flesh.

Man-Eater Edit

The distant roar of a lion indicates that they seem to have picked up your scent.

Ready To Pounce Edit

After Runner 3 attempts to shoot her "babies" the park keeper offers a solution; there's an electric fence ahead that she can activate once you're through.

Over Here! Edit

You hear the yowls of electrocuted lion behind you as you flee the scene, but Carena's breathing has deteriorated.

Future Of The Human Race Edit

Maxine reassures you that Carena is stable, but what she was suffering was an extreme allergic reaction to the spray, not an asthma attack.

Transcript Edit

SAM YAO: Okay, guys, you’re clear of that horrible town full of fast zombies, and I can’t see any of them after you. Including Jasper. Jamie, I’m so sorry. I’m just… How’s Carena doing?

JAMIE SKEET: I think she’s having an asthma attack. I gave her a puff of the inhaler, but there ain’t much left. Runner Five, you carry her for a bit. I’ll check my pockets, maybe I brought the spare inhaler.

CARENA: Jamie. [coughs] Jamie, I feel sick.

JAMIE SKEET: We’re going to get you to a doctor. You’re going to be just fine.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: She’ll be alright, won’t she? We’re going to – the doctor can fix her, I’ll bet.

SAM YAO: I’ve buzzed Maxine. She’s putting her medical bag together, and she’s going to run out and meet you.

JAMIE SKEET: How long?

SAM YAO: Maybe forty minutes.

JAMIE SKEET: Carena ain’t got – can she make it any quicker?

SAM YAO: No, but there is a way you can get to her a bit faster. You see that road to your left, the one with high barbed-wire fencing on either side? If you go down there, it’ll cut at least ten minutes off your journey.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: I’m sensing a catch. There’s a catch, isn’t there?

SAM YAO: Uh, yeah. That’s the road into the safari park.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: “Safari park” as in, “lions and tigers and bears, oh my”? That sounds bad.

SAM YAO: But there’s been nothing for them to eat for months. I doubt any of them are still alive.

JAMIE SKEET: No inhaler with me. Not in any of my pockets. Ten minutes quicker?

SAM YAO: At least.

JAMIE SKEET: Let’s do it.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: I like this place! Little clumps of trees dotted all over, puffs of dandelion fluff floating on the breeze, a few abandoned cars rusting quietly away. It is very tranquil.

JAMIE SKEET: Apart from all the deadly animals?

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Well, yeah, but there’s no sign of anything fanged or clawed. I think Sam was right, they didn’t survive the apocalypse.

SAM YAO: And Carena?

JAMIE SKEET: She took a bit more of her inhaler, and she’s doing better.

SAM YAO: That’s what I like to hear. A peaceful run in picturesque surroundings, and all’s well with the world.


PARK KEEPER: What on earth do you morons think you’re doing?

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Who the hell is that?

PARK KEEPER: I’m the park keeper, you idiot. I’m watching you through the surveillance cameras. I’ve hooked into your transmissions. You’re broadcasting on such a wide frequency, it wasn’t difficult. Now, get out of there at once!

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Oh, sorry, we didn’t realize we were trespassing.

PARK KEEPER: Trespassing be damned! You’ve run right into the middle of lion territory.


PARK KEEPER: With a young child. No, don’t turn around, it’s too late to go back now. They’ve cut off your escape. Just keep running!

SIMON LAUCHLAN: So we kind of thought all the animals would be dead by now.

PARK KEEPER: The zebras are, and the antelopes.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Aw, that’s sad.

PARK KEEPER: Not really. I fed them to the lions.


PARK KEEPER: Don’t take that tone with me, young man! These might be the very last lions left in the world!

JAMIE SKEET: Apart from all the ones in Africa?

PARK KEEPER: How do you know there are any in Africa?

JAMIE SKEET: Because… because it’s Africa!

PARK KEEPER: Precisely. You don’t know. It’s up to me to ensure that the most majestic species on the planet is kept alive for future generations!

JAMIE SKEET: What about keeping the zebras alive? And the poor antelopes?

PARK KEEPER: Sacrifices have to be made. Sadly, they didn’t last very long. My babies have rather large appetites.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: So, uh, what did you feed them next? [whispers] Please don’t say people, please don’t say people.

PARK KEEPER: Dead people.


PARK KEEPER: Don’t look so scared, I didn’t kill them myself! They died of natural causes. But not everyone turned zombie, and it was a shame to waste the meat.

SAM YAO: So, what she’s basically saying is that you’re stuck in a safari park with a pride of hungry lions who’ve developed a taste for human flesh.

[lion roars]

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Was that - ?

JAMIE SKEET: Yeah, I think so.

PARK KEEPER: I’m afraid they seem to have got your scent. But don’t worry, they’re only playing. They used to sleep in my bed with me when they were cubs, you know. They’re really just great big kitties!

SIMON LAUCHLAN: If my cat was the size of a lion, he’d definitely eat me. I’ve seen it in his eyes.

PARK KEEPER: My girls have never attacked a living person.

JAMIE SKEET: But have they actually seen any people since you started feeding them corpses?

PARK KEEPER: Well… [lion roars] No.

SAM YAO: Oh, I just caught a flash of yellow through your headcams, guys, so, uh -

JAMIE SKEET: It’s okay, we know what to do when we’re being chased by a pack of hungry man-eating lions.

[lion roars]

SIMON LAUCHLAN: How close are they now? I’m scared to look back.

JAMIE SKEET: Fifty feet. But they’re still stalking. When they go full-out -

PARK KEEPER: Lions are one of nature’s most perfect predators. They can reach speeds of up to fifty miles an hour when they’re hunting.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: I so did not need to know that!

JAMIE SKEET: You got to do something! Carena’s only five!

PARK KEEPER: There’s nothing I can do. [gunshots] No! Don’t shoot my babies!

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Dammit! Missed! I am a terrible shot.

JAMIE SKEET: Then help us!

PARK KEEPER: Listen, listen! To your left, less than fifty yards, there’s a fence. I cut some holes in it to let the lions get at the zebras. You can squeeze through.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Yeah, and what about the lions? [gunshot]

PARK KEEPER: Alright, alright! It’s an electric fence. I’ll electrify it when you’re through. But hurry, they’re ready to pounce!

[lions roar]

PARK KEEPER: There, that’s the gap in the fence. You, take the little girl through first.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Oh God oh God oh God. Oh God, oh God! I really don’t want to be eaten by lions! I mean, what would they bury?

SAM YAO: Uh, lion poo, I guess.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Exactly! It’s so undignified!

SAM YAO: Runner Five, you go next. [fence rattles] Now you, Three. Quickly!

SIMON LAUCHLAN: We’re through. Turn on the fence, turn on the fence!

[fence rattles and buzzes, lions growl]

SAM YAO: You did it! And the lions are fine, they’re all slinking away with their tails between their legs.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: I am never watching Born Free again as long as I live.

CARENA: Jamie, I – I -

JAMIE SKEET: Where’s her inhaler? She can’t breath!

SIMON LAUCHLAN: Maybe you dropped it when we were climbing through the fence.

JAMIE SKEET: I’ve got to go back.

SAM YAO: Don’t. Maxine’s just around the next bend.

JAMIE SKEET: I see her. Maxine, over here! Five, you take Carena. You’re fresher than me. Get to the doc as fast as you can!

SAM YAO: How’s she doing, Maxine?

MAXINE MYERS: Yeah, she’s stable, but the quicker we get her back to Abel, the better.

SAM YAO: Aw, poor little mite. Asthma’s horrible. My sister used to -

MAXINE MYERS: That wasn’t an asthma attack. It was more like an extreme allergic reaction.

SAM YAO: To what?

MAXINE MYERS: I don’t know, but uh, it must have been something she was exposed to recently. Symptoms like these always develop very rapidly.

JAMIE SKEET: But she hasn’t eaten anything!

SAM YAO: Maybe she found a packet of peanuts in the town or something.

MAXINE MYERS: I can find out more when we get back to Abel.

[door opens]

MAJOR DE SANTA: No need for that, Myers.

SAM YAO: So, uh, Major De Santa’s just walked into my shack.

MAJOR DE SANTA: Secure channel, Yao.

SAM YAO: But what’s going on?

MAJOR DE SANTA: That’s an order.

JAMIE SKEET: What’s going on?

MAJOR DE SANTA: Simple courtesy, Skeet. Thought you’d like some intel on what’s wrong with your little girl.

SIMON LAUCHLAN: It’s the anti-zombie spray, isn’t it?

MAJOR DE SANTA: Afraid so. Never had time to fully test it before putting it into circulation. Always knew there might be side effects.

SAM YAO: Side effects on children?

MAJOR DE SANTA: Stands to reason. Tots turn zom quicker than adults. Must be something in their metabolism. The spray acts in roughly the same way.

JAMIE SKEET: You knew about this and you didn’t warn us?

MAJOR DE SANTA: We suspected the spray might have negative consequences for children, but it was only a theory until now.

JAMIE SKEET: Okay, well, we’re just going to have to stop using it.

MAJOR DE SANTA: Sorry, Skeet, that isn’t your call to make. Come back to base, all of you. And lips sealed. I’ll take a very dim view of anyone who spreads this information around.

SAM YAO: But we have to warn -

MAJOR DE SANTA: That includes you, Yao. You’ll all keep your mouths shut or face the consequences. This is the future of the human race we’re talking about.

Codex Edit

Letter Edit

Hi Five,

You really are amazing, you know that? You did a great job getting Carena back to safety - I know Jamie's grateful even if he's (understandably) a bit tight-lipped at the moment. And to think, you made it all the way through the park without hurting a single solitary lion! David Attenborough would be proud, if he weren't currently roaming the countryside in search of brains with the rest of the BBC Natural History Unit.

X Sam

S02E29 Letter
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