"Peter's Fitness Montage" is the eighth mission of The Home Front.
Trapped in a cinema with only films for company, Peter has developed a new film inspired fitness plan to keep himself occupied.
Exercises[]
Cast[]
Scenes[]
Eye of the Tiger
Peter is back! He's still stuck in the cinema and has to play movies to keep the zombies in the auditorium occupied. He found a playlist of all of the Rocky movies in the cinema's digital archive, but the playlist got stuck and he's had to watch them for eight days straight. It has given him an idea for a workout though - boxing! Get warmed up with some stretches or running on the spot.
Distraction
Being stuck in one place has given Peter a new perspective on things. Don't think of it as a lockdown, think of it as an extended indoor fitness training montage. Start out with some push-ups because those always seemed to work for Rocky. Get down on all fours with your hands just over shoulder width apart. Straighten your body as though you're doing a plank, and lower yourself to the ground by bending your elbows, then push yourself back up again. If this is too hard, feel free to support yourself on knees and lower legs instead of tiptoes. One minute of these! Well done. Keep doing Push Ups during the break if you can, or rest if you need it.
Did you hear something?
Peter has a terrible confession - he's starting to miss the Rocky movies. Janine has told him to emphasise that the goal today is fitness not fighting. Abel Runners will always do their best to avoid conflict, but if you do end up in a fight, dodging is as important as punching. So you'll be practicing Side-to-Side Hops. Balance on one foot with your knees and arms bent, then hop to the side and land on the ball of your other foot. If this is painful, then try sidesteps instead! 45 seconds, go! Now it's time to take a break because after this the workout really gets going!
Last Resort
That song always reminds Peter of a bad breakup. You hear a thumping noise, and Peter says that he's been hearing some disturbing noises like something is crawling through the ventilation shafts, although those shouldn't be big enough for a zombie. Good thing he has exercises to distract him! Next up is punches! Plant your feet diagonally, shoulder width apart and knees bent, with your dominant foot behind you. Start with Jabs. Punch out, making sure your knuckles are up. One minute of these, and try to alternate your stance so you can try with both arms. Good job! Remember, punching zoms is a last resort, but it's good for working out your frustrations.
Confront the Monster
Peter has seen a few tough idiots get infected by punching zoms, so its a good idea to wrap your hands if you can. The aim is to knock the zombie down so you can run. So lets try punches with more power - Hooks and Uppercuts! Start in your boxing position. For an Uppercut, bend your knees and rotate your body in the direction of your lead arm. Push off your lead calf, and punch upward with your lead arm. You should feel the power in the punch! For a Hook, from your stand, shift your weight to your lead foot, while swinging your lead fist in an inward horizontal arc, and move your shoulder forward. Try a mixture of these for a minute! Good job! You hear another thump from the air vent, and Peter can see a shadow moving there. He's going to go confront the monster while you keep moving!
Amazing what you miss
It turns out the noise wasn't a zombie. It was a scrawny little fox which is now sitting in the corner. You hear growling from the fox. Perhaps it isn't as friendly as it looks. Peter thanks you for being there and giving him the courage to check out the vent. He's going to find scraps to feed the fox. Sometimes it's better to make friends than to fight. Take care of yourselves! And if you know how to undelete a playlist, let him know! He's rather missing Rocky!
Transcript[]
PETER LYNNE: Hello, listeners. It’s me again, poor old Peter, still stuck in a projection box at the Princess Louise Theatre. And since you last heard from me, I have faced my greatest survival challenge yet. Oh um, speaking of, you’re going to be facing a few challenges yourself soon, courtesy of yours truly. So um, why don’t you start warming up now? A few stretches, running on the spot, whatever gets your juices flowing, as the bishop said to the personal trainer.
Um, yes. Anyway um, in case you’ve forgotten, the auditorium here is absolutely packed with zombies, but keeping a movie on the screen distracts them. So there I was, looking through the cinema's digital archives for something nice and long, and I found a playlist of every single Rocky movie for a Sly Stallone fan marathon. Except...the playlist got stuck and I’ve been watching Rocky movies on a loop for eight days straight, listeners. I’ve managed to stop the playlist around the tenth run-through of Rocky III.
I fear I might have gone a bit peculiar. I spent the whole morning on comms to Janine waxing lyrical about Mr. T, but - but! It has given me a great idea for a workout, and you’ll never guess. It is...boxing! Plenty of fisticuff-related entries on my list of Ministry exercises. First, though, a song that’ll help you with your warm-up. I’m going to put on some music you can dance around to and really get your blood pumping, and if I am very lucky, maybe I’ll finally get “Eye of the Tiger” out of my head.
PETER LYNNE: Welcome back, friends. Now I know we’re all quite tired of being stuck indoors. Oh yes, although uh, Runner Five, if you’re listening, I gather you’ve had a change of location recently. Locked down in a camping shop, Sam said. Could be worse. [laughs] I mean, you could be me! But let me tell you, my cinematic ordeal has given me the perfect lens for viewing this lockdown. See, we need to not think of it as being trapped, oh no. We can think of this as one extended indoor fitness montage. We are just in that part of the movie where we have to hunker down, crank the volume, and get our pulses racing!
So let’s keep our warm-up going with some more push-ups, because if they worked for Rocky, they’re gonna work for us. [paper rustles] Right, here is our official technique courtesy of Ministry guidelines. First, I want you to get down on all fours with your arms just over shoulder-width apart, then straighten out your body, supporting yourself on your hands and also your toes. Now lower yourself to the floor and push yourself back up again. Now if that feels too difficult, that’s fine. Don’t be afraid to support yourself on your knees and lower legs instead of your tiptoes. We are going to try one whole minute of push-ups or as many as you can manage. And...go!
Excellent. Don’t get carried away. Tortoise and the hare, all of that. 15 seconds down. Don’t rush. Take your time with each push-up. That’s beautiful. Exactly what we want, I assume. Halfway there. Feel the burn, as the old cliche goes. Never quite understood what that was supposed to mean. Uh, 15 seconds left. Oh, you can taste the finish line now! And five, four, three, two, one, and rest. Done.
All right, well, you should be all warmed up. I’m actually going to do a few push-ups myself in the next music break and you know, feel free to rest or you can keep going along with me. Frankly, I’m finding this music by going through movie credits and I want to be distracted when Cats III comes up next. So stay put, everyone. Your pal Peter will be back after this.
PETER LYNNE: Well, my friends, I have a shameful confession. I’m actually starting to miss the Rocky movies. Even the really bad ones, which is something of a tautology, but it just goes to show a person can get used to anything. I mean, Janine told me to emphasize our goal today is fitness, not fighting. Abel runners always do their damnedest to avoid conflict, and rightly so. If you do end up in a scrap, you need to be able to dodge as well as hit, so before we get to the hitting, you are going to practice a move called the side-to-side hop. Not a classic dance move, but it’ll help you hone your evasive reflexes.
So to do this, we start by balancing on one foot with your knees and your arms bent. Then you hop to the side like you’re jumping over an imaginary line that’s between your legs, landing on the ball of the opposite foot. So try that for me. And absolutely fair, if you’ve got any knee problems or if that’s painful, you can just do a grapevine or sidestep instead, totally fine. Okay, now we just keep hopping back and forth across that line, but as fast as you can. See if you can keep that up for a solid 45 seconds. I promise you will find that deceptively challenging.
And we are going to start...now! There we go, but don’t get carried away. You’ve set yourself a high bar. 15 seconds down, 30 left to go. Probably starting to feel what I meant now. 30 seconds down. You can pretend that you’re dodging punches or - or lunging zombies. There’s - there’s one on the left. There’s one on the right. Duck, duck, move! And five, four, three, two, one, and stop hopping.
Brilliant work! Right, so that’s got our fancy footwork in the bag, and that means we can [metallic bang] Um… Did you… did you hear that? Uh, well no. No, you didn’t. And well, of course, no, me neither. Um… It’s gone. That’s… Okay. I’m going to put some music on so that we can all pretend that that just didn’t happen. Uh, you all take a break and relax or um, you know, bust out your best dance moves. Oh, but uh, seriously though, uh, don’t overdo it. Because when we get back, it’s going to be time to, uh, really get the workout going. Okay? All right.
PETER LYNNE: Okay. Well, that’s quite enough of that one. Yeah, that - that song always reminds me of a bad breakup. I can’t actually remember which. [metallic bang] It’s back, and that was - that was definitely louder that time. See, um, I’ve been hearing some not really great things in this booth, listeners. Sort of… shuffling from behind the walls. You know, I think… something might be crawling around in the, uh, ventilation system. But uh, I mean… I mean, there’s definitely not going to be enough room in the ducts for-for a zombie. That would be… I mean, unless it was just a half of a zom. Oh God, what if it was just like the - just like the front half, just like some sort of fleshy gingerbread man just like rolling itself down there, looking for a way out?
Um… yes. Okay, I’m, I am quite scared, actually. Uh, there’s nowhere to run in this booth, but we still have exercises like this, which I find are a fantastic distraction. You see, I can immediately pretend that I am a seven foot tall beefcake training to take on whatever that is. Good God, that sounds pathetic when I say it out loud.
Okay, we’re gonna have to move on. Um, punches, ladies and gentlemen. [paper rustles] First, you’re going to need to adopt a Ministry-approved fighting stance. Hold your fists up in front of you. You have to have your dominant hand held back, and that’s protecting your face, and the other hand is extended in order to attack. So plant your feet diagonally, shoulder-width apart, with your knees just slightly bent. Your dominant foot goes to the back. Right, we’re going to start with the basic jab. You punch out with your lead hand, rotating your arm so your knuckles end up facing up and your shoulder moves forward. So we’re going to do one minute of jabs. If you’d like some variety, feel free to alternate your stance from time to time and then you end up leading with the other arm.
Ready, set, go! There we are, perfect! More aggression, get the anger out. 15 seconds down. You can try imagining a bullseye. Aim right for the center of the target. You could even imagine an actual bull’s eye and aim right for the middle of its face. Great. Halfway down, just keep on beating that bull in the face. I don’t know what it did to you. I like to imagine that it’s taunting me. I don’t know what sort of names it’s come up with, but they were hurtful and I think it mentioned my mother. 15 seconds left. We’re so near the end now, we’re gonna get that bull. I’m gonna move away from the bull. You can imagine whatever you like. Jab! Jab! Five, four, three, two, and we’re done.
Good, very good. It’s important, though, with zoms of course, punching has to be your last resort. But in the meantime, as a way to get your frustrations out, it’s not a bad go-to, eh? I’m gonna do a bit more of it myself in this next break and uh, if you guys want to keep jabbing alongside me, well, all things considered, wouldn’t really mind the company.
PETER LYNNE: Right there, kiddos, time to get comfortable. Here’s a genuine piece of advice. Now like I said, punching zombies has to be your last resort. I have seen more than a few tough morons get infected themselves from undead blood in their knuckles. All men, by the way. Shock, horror, I know. So if you do ever find yourself boxing a gray, remember, if you don’t have gloves - and that’s what you want - at least wrap your hands in cloth or gauze. Your aim is only to knock them down or away so that you can run.
So to that end, we are now going to try some punches with a bit more juice behind them than the jab. These are our hooks and uppercuts. So back in your boxing stance, one arm back, one arm forward. So the uppercut, you keep your feet grounded, bend your knees and rotate your body with the direction of your lead arm. So you’re pushing off of your lead calf and punching upwards with the lead arm, releasing your rear heel and feel that rotate outwards as you go. So try that all together. It should feel like you’ve got the power coming through in that punch. Great, okay.
So now the hook. Back to the stance. Now you shift your weight to your lead foot whilst swinging your lead fist in an inward horizontal arc and moving your shoulder forwards. So try that. You can imagine just knocking a zombie’s head off with this one, right off of his shoulders. Great, okay. Now we are going to try a full minute of mixed jabs, hooks, and uppercuts. Dealer’s choice, so go wild, switch them up, swap stances occasionally. Get ready, and go!
Excellent, we’re off to a flying start. Look at you, you scrappy little thing. 15 seconds down. Imagine you’re fighting a big scary zombie version of Ivan Drago. You know, that’s the um, the-the villain from-from Rocky IV. Why am I telling you? You know this. Keep going. Yes, lay into him! One, two. More! Halfway there. You’ve got him on the ropes. And of course, he’s gonna get stronger and come back at you, and it’ll look like you’re down. but you’re not down, you’re back up! And it’s 15 seconds. He’s now almost down! Yes, you’ve got the upper hand now. Finish it off! Five, four, three, two… Oh, and it’s a knockout! Surely not! They’ve won the belt and the title! Oh, good job, people.
Yes. Now I might have gotten a bit carried away - [metallic bang] Okay, that one was… that was loud. See, there’s um… so there’s this air vent right by the projector and I can see a shadow moving under the grill. See, the reason I worry is that there’s a, uh, there’s this broken open vent in the toilet and so if that thing comes through that whilst I’m sleeping… [takes a deep breath] Okay. Listen up, people. I am going to go and confront the monster. Fear not for old Peter. I am not totally unarmed. I have...this...mop. Perfect. I’m going to put on some music first. You can rest or… you know what? Actually, throw a few more punches in the break if you feel up to it. Can’t hurt to know you champs are fighting alongside me, eh? [laugh that turns into a groan] Okay, on three then, I suppose. One, two, three, and off we go!
PETER LYNNE: Well um, hello again, everyone. So that one did not turn out exactly as I expected. Turns out, wasn’t a zombie at all. That was actually just a scrawny little fox, and it must have come in through the window, sniffing after… I mean, I guess rotting flesh? I don’t know why it would want that. But got itself lost and just came shooting out like a bullet when I opened the vent in here. It’s just, uh, it’s actually just sitting in the corner now. It looks friendly enough. [fox screeches] Maybe not. Right. Okay. That’s your side of the room now. Completely understood. I’ve probably got some food around here somewhere, actually.
Tell you what. Um, I actually do need to thank you, listeners. Might sound silly, but without you, I actually might not have worked up the courage to open the vent. That would have meant this little fellow would have starved to death instead of coming out to occupy half of my room. Hey, hello. Yes, that’s you. Catch this. Here we go. [laughs] Somebody’s a fan of old, old cinema hot dogs. That makes two of us. Please don’t tell anyone.
All right, listeners, I’m going to go and find more scraps to feed to my new roommate here, and it really is sometimes better to make friends than fight, especially when your rival’s got those big teeth. Don’t worry, I’ll be back very soon. And in the meantime, stay safe out there, champs. You know, I’ll be rooting for you. Oh, and uh, if anyone knows how to undelete a movie playlist, could you try and get in touch somehow? Honestly, it is amazing the things you miss when they’re gone.
Codex[]
Letter[]
Hi Five,
Peter here! Thanks again for joining me today - as knackered as I am, it was actually pretty fun getting to run through some of those exercises with someone else! I feel like I was definitely channeling the Mickey Goldmill to your Rocky Balboa, though I would recommend giving the raw eggs a miss - salmonella is the absolute last thing we need at the moment!
I hope you’re holding up okay where you are, and that you’re remembering to take breaks once in a while. Me and my new roommate are doing alright for now - I think they’re finally starting to warm up to me, though that may have less to do with my sparkling personality and more to do with the fact that I keep feeding them bits of beef jerky and hot dog. We actually might be running a little low on the latter, which… I'll admit is a little worrying. Hmm. Do you happen to know if foxes are able to digest popcorn? Or Swedish fish? The snack bar here has a lot of mostly-unexpired candy, but I wouldn’t want to risk either poisoning my new roommate or making them mad enough to try and take a chunk out of me. I'll see if Sam or Janine could look that up for us, but man, it’s days like this that really make me miss being able to look this stuff up online for myself. Add that to the list of things I never thought I'd be nostalgic for!
Hang in there, Five. I know it’s been hard going lately, but we'll get through this. Abel Township runners always do.
Peter
Supplies[]
The following supplies can be found in this mission.
(List may be incomplete.)
Anti-depressants
Baseball Bat
Board game
Candles
Cricket bat
Dress
First Aid Kit
Flashlight
Football
Makeup
Mobile Phone
Overcoat
Pain Meds
Shirt
Shorts
Sports Bra
Trainers
Underwear
Whisky
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