"Lair of the Abhorroghast" is the eighteenth mission of The Home Front.
Time for some housework, Runners! With the help of Sam and a game of Demons & Darkness, can you scrub away the slaughterworms?
ACTIVITIES: Clean commonly-used surfaces, Dust, Sweep/Vacuum, Mop
Cast[]
Plot[]
Weapons of Power[]
Bit mucky in here, isn't it, Runner 5? Sam's noticed his shack is getting pretty filthy, so it's time for a spot of lockdown housework. Thankfully he's found an old Demons & Darkness game so with a few tweaks we can transform a spring clean into a proper quest! Prepare your cleaning supplies and he'll roll the dice...
Into the Lair[]
Sam is the Dungeon Master and you're going into the Lair of the Abhorroghast! Terrible fumes rise from the open maw of the cave! You must get rid of this awful miasma... which tend to hang around doorknobs and light switches, so make sure you concentrate on those. But wait! Someone is helping to dispel the fumes! It's Ameline the elf, and she's going to help you cleanse the ground and make your way to the master below.
Po-tay-toes[]
You and Ameline enter the cave into the Halls of Decay, dusty with debris from time immemorial. But wait! Another voice calls from the darkness! A heavily-armed halfling, Kit, emerges from the gloam, skipping every third floor tile. This place is full of traps. They'll need clearing - get those dusters out and get cracking. There's treasure to be had: The Madman's Crown, with the power of making and unmaking.
Slaughterworms[]
Unworldly carvings and statues emerge from under the grime. Kit pries free a sapphire from the eye of a cyclops sculpture before Ameline can stop him. The floor gives way and the three of you are plummeted into a pit of slime, filled with the bones of other foolhardy travellers. It's a slaughterworm brood-pit! The floor seethes and Kit is grabbed by the grisly invertebrates. The whole area must be cleared of muck if you want to rescue him - sweep those floors!
Mop It Up[]
Sweeping and sword-swiping, you rescue Kit from the slaughterworms. But your work isn't done - if you don't clear the remains, the foetid creatures will return! Arm yourself with a mop or you'll be worm food. You can't go back the way you came, but there's a crack in the wall...
Foley Work[]
Your small band of adventurers head to the crack in the cave wall and squeeze single-file down the tunnel beyond. The slaughterworms are close behind, but Ameline's staff glows a vivid blue, summoning a wave of water that sweeps everything away. Where is it taking you? Tune in next week to find out...
Transcript[]
[radio cycles past a snippet of music and some static before landing on the Abel frequency]
SAM YAO: Hello, runners, and the rest of us. Is your tent untidy? Is your pre-Z-Day ruin run down? Sorry, I sound like an advert for limescale remover. [advertisement voice] “Bang, and the horde is gone!” Yeah, not so much. Still quite a lot of zombies on the loose.
What I was trying to say is that I’ve noticed my own little shack getting pretty filthy lately, which is all because of the horde situation and definitely not how it normally is. Now I know housework probably isn’t the first thing on your mind right now, but well, since we’re not going anywhere, I figured we could have a tidy up together. It’ll be fun!
If this was Janine, she’d probably tell you how to clean your regulation domicile with military precision and a toothbrush, but she’s busy installing a backup backup generator. And while I was looking for the mop, I found an old Demons and Darkness module Runner Fourteen picked up last month, [sinister voice] The Lair of the Abhorroghast.
Now maybe I’m just missing Abel game night, or maybe it was the box hitting me on the head, but I reckon with a few creative changes and a bit of imagination, we can combine playing Demons and Darkness with a good old spring clean! All we need to do is replace dice rolls with various cleaning tasks and bob’s your, um, halfling paladin uncle.
Now, okay, I know it sounds a bit bonkers, but you can do whatever cleaning jobs you fancy, you don’t have to D&D it up with me unless you feel like it. So well, let’s see what it says on the game box. Okay. Aha. [dramatic narrator voice] “Deep in his labyrinthine lair, the Abhorroghast gnaws on the world’s heart, guarding a fabulous treasure, the Madman’s Crown. Dare ye brave this den of dread and face the terror below the earth?” Figurines sold separately. Just as well we’re doing this by radio. Judging by the state of the box, I think most of the figurines are inside a zombie.
Anyway, [clears throat, adopts dramatic narrator voice] gather your party, bold adventurer. Arm yourselves with weapons of power and wizards potions. [own voice] Well, you know, rubber gloves, mop, broom, cloths, cleaning supplies, all the essential adventuring kit. Have a bit of a tidy up while you’re at it and prepare to cleanse the [sinister voice] Lair of the Abhorroghast! [own voice] Right after this song, which definitely always makes me think about hideous creatures from the demon dimensions.
[SAM alternates between a dramatic game master voice for narration, different voices for characters, and his own voice for asides and cleaning instructions]
SAM YAO: [clears throat] Beneath this endless maze of twisting blackened trees and damned spires of stone lies the lair of the Abhorroghast. The entrance gapes like a bottomless maw with stalagmites for teeth… Hmm, hang on. Which ones are the pointy uppy ones and which are the pointy down ones? You know what? It doesn’t matter.
[clears throat] … like a bottomless maw with fangs of solid rock. Like the worst halitosis imaginable, clouds of noxious choking vapors fume from the cave mouth. To reach the lair and cleanse it for good, you’ll first have to dispel this evil miasma.
And you know what’s a breeding ground for evil miasmas? Commonly-used surfaces like doorknobs and light switches. Ministry guidelines say to give them a good old wipe down daily to get rid of any zombie bits you might drag in with you. Most household cleaners will do the trick, or anything with bleach if it’s diluted. Now make sure to keep the bleach outside of your body and wipe it off with a wet cloth. So start dispelling those evil miasmas and yeah, hold on, just uh, finding my place. [mutters rapidly] Start to dispel this evil miasma…
As you use your magic to clear the foul air, a haughty elven voice rings out. [high-pitched breathy character voice] “Ah, another adventurer. Well, lucky I found you.” Through the haze, you see a tall elven woman driving back the fumes with her spells. “I am Ameline,” she declares. “Doubtless we have the same purpose here. We may as well work together. The master of this place lies below. His evil leaks even into the earth itself. Come, we must cleanse this ground before it chokes the life from us.”
Well, yeah, what the elf said. Keep cleaning all those door knobs and light switches and maybe you’ll be able to find your way into the lair of the Abhorroghast.
[SAM alternates between a dramatic game master voice for narration, different voices for characters, and his own voice for asides and cleaning instructions]
SAM YAO: The miasma dispelled, you and your new partner Ameline enter the cave mouth. Beyond the stony jaws, you find yourself in what looks like the antechamber of an ancient temple. These are the Halls of Decay, where the dust of a thousand centuries has gathered. Moths feast on fraying tapestries. Soot rains from the rafters. Cobwebs adorn the statues of forbidden gods like a widow’s veil. Sounds like my old student flat.
Suddenly from the darkness, another voice calls out. [gruff West Country-accented character voice] “Slow, friend!” A halfling dressed like a weapons rack emerges from the shadows. “Ye want to spend your gold at the bottom of a spoilt pit?” He asks. “Don’t ye know to dust for traps?” Now you know, I know what you’re thinking, listeners, but dusting for traps is a well-known D&D mechanic that I’ve just made up. So really go to town with those dusters. You never know what could be lurking on your bookshelves. I’m gonna give the shack a good going over with a dustpan and brush right now.
Uh, now where was I? Aha. Ah, yes. Yes. [clears throat] As you pick your way across the floor, the halfling shuffles towards you, careful to avoid every third tile. “How wonderful,” Ameline drawls. “Another scavenger.”
Kit flashes a gold-toothed grin. “Arr, arr,” he says. “Arr, arr…” No, hang on, that’s pirate. Hey, but pirates and halflings, are they both from the West Country? Hang on, give me a sec. So… arr, er… no. Arr! No! Uh… oh, I know! Uh, [Samwise Gamgee voice] boil ‘em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a – po-ta-toes! Po-ta- okay, got it. Po-ta-toes. All right, my lover. Po-ta-toes. [coughs] Okay.
“Arr,” the halfling says. “Kit’s the name, adventuring’s the game. Dungeons like this are packed full of death traps to slice, dice, and spiralize the unwary adventure, and since we’re all adventuring in the same direction, I wouldn’t want anything to happen to my new companions.”
As if to illustrate his point, he ducks out of the way of a swinging bladed pendulum that almost shears off Ameline’s nose! “I’m sure you’d just hate to have all that treasure to yourself,” Ameline says sarcastically. “But worry not, my friend, there’s only one treasure down here worth claiming. The Madman’s Crown has the power of making and unmaking. The other baubles, you can keep.”
As the elf and the halfling bicker, you make your way slowly, carefully across the dusty floor to the foreboding portal at the hall’s far end, watchful for hidden switches and concealed pressure plates. And well, you know, sort of dusting all the household surfaces that need dusting, that kind of thing.
[SAM alternates between a dramatic game master voice for narration, different voices for characters, and his own voice for asides and cleaning instructions]
SAM YAO: As the ancient dust is swept away, gruesome carvings and inhuman statues emerge from beneath the grime. Easing your way over an obvious tripwire, you come face to face with a hideous cyclops statue, its single eye an enormous sapphire. The treasure does not go unnoticed. “Arr, now what’s this?” Kit says, grinning like a pumpkin. “Arr, adventurer, you’re a natural. Let’s just pry this out for safe keeping.”
“Kit, wait!” Ameline yells. She rushes towards you, too late. As Kit tugs the sapphire free, the floor beneath the three of you suddenly gives way. Down, down you fall until you land with a splat in a deep pit of dark, stinking slime. As you regain your bearings, musty light from the broken ceiling far above illuminates the bones of hapless beasts and unwary travelers, all picked clean.
Ameline grabs your arm and whispers, “Ah, I recognize the signs! This is the Pit of Woe, a slaughterworm broodpit.” Kit scrambles to his feet and draws steel as the cold mud boils beneath you. In moments, the whole fetid floor seethes with huge wormy bodies, trapping the halfling in their grasp, and the rest are coming your way!
Now, fun fact, slaughterworms hate clean floors. That’s in the creature compendium. So to defeat them, you’re going to need to take a broom to the floors in your home, and you’d better get going. Those slaughterworms are looking hungry.
Yeah. Meanwhile, with her quick reflexes, Ameline helps you up onto an enormous rib cage. As the worms sink their lamprey jaws into Kit’s flesh, she hurriedly flips through her books as Kit struggles and the filthy foot-long worms swarm ever closer to your feet. “Ah! Ah, I have it!” she cries at last. “Their bodies must be completely destroyed and the whole area purged of their spores or they’ll reform from the filth in moments. Come on, adventurer, we’ll clear a path to that halfling fool.”
Ugh! You know, I think I’ve got some slaughterworms under the cupboards. There’s something grim down there, anyway. Oh well, nobody said fighting evil would be pretty. If you want to rescue Kit, you’d better keep sweeping.
[SAM alternates between a dramatic game master voice for narration, different voices for characters, and his own voice for asides and cleaning instructions]
SAM YAO: Sweeping your way through the mass of ravening slaughterworms, you at last reach Kit, still struggling in their slimy grasp. With one mighty swing of your sword, the worms fall away like ribbons, allowing the halfling to wriggle free. He holds up the sapphire cyclops eye with a conspiratorial wink. “Arr, ye’ve me thanks, adventurer,” he says. “Oh, and look, our labors were not in vain.” “Are we not done yet?” Ameline snaps. “Mop up their remains or they’ll reform before we can find a way out. We’ll be worm food!”
And by mopping up, I mean like, literally mopping the floor. Well, unless you actually have hideous foot-long worms wriggling around your house, in which case, there might be limits to what cleaning can achieve.
Anyway, [clears throat] you cannot return the way you came. The floor you crashed through is too high to reach, but as you wade through the entrails, you spot a crack in the wall. Mud oozes through it into the darkness beyond. It could be a way out, if you can make it that far. By uh, well, you know, mopping. Some like, really enthusiastic mopping?
[SAM alternates between a dramatic game master voice for narration, different voices for characters, and his own voice for asides and cleaning instructions]
SAM YAO: Stained with mud and ichor, you, Kit, and Ameline plow through the swarming worms and stinking mud of the pit to reach the crack in the wall. The tunnel beyond is just big enough for you to squeeze through in single file. Kit leads the way, his flickering torch soon vanishing in the darkness. “It’s safe enough,” he calls back. “Better than our prospects here,” replies Ameline.
“Ah, look out!” All around you, slaughterworms rise from the ooze, their lamprey jaws slathering for your flesh. But as you flourish your sword to hold them back, Ameline’s staff glows brilliant blue and summons a wave of water. It crashes through the pit towards your tunnel, sweeping up all the worms and spores in its path. You hear a cry from the tunnel behind you as Ameline is caught in the flood, before it engulfs you and then Kit.
[water pours from a faucet] No? Sorry, my foley work is a bit low-tech. The water carries you down the tunnel into the Stygian darkness. What awaits you at the bottom? Treasure, power, or merely a grisly death? Find out when we return to the Lair of the Abhorroghast! [sinister laughter] See you next time.
Codex[]
Letter[]
Hi Five!
Here's my copy of "The Lair of the Abhorroghast" if you fancied joining in for a session and wanted to look up how to draw up a character sheet. Try not to read ahead too much, if you can - this module is AWESOME and one of my favourites. I wouldn't want to spoil anything for you!
Love,
Sam
Supplies[]
The following supplies can be found in this mission.
(List may be incomplete.)
Baseball Bat
Board game
Candles
Cricket bat
Dress
First Aid Kit
Flashlight
Football
Laptop
Mobile Phone
Overcoat
Shirt
Trainers
Underwear
Whisky
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