"Goodbye to All That" is the thirty-fifth and final mission of The Home Front.
With Thurman vanquished and the superhorde dispersing, it's time to head on home.
EXERCISES: Squat, Forearm Plank, Air Punch, Push Up, Wall Sit
Cast[]
Plot[]
Commendation[]
Janine announces that because of the destruction of Thurman's underground base, the superhorde has dispersed enough that Abel can start to bring their Runners home. Because of this, they'll be clearing the airways for mission coordination. She's going to leave you with a full body workout to keep you going. And she looks forward to welcoming each and every one of you home.
Focus[]
Sam is really looking forward to seeing you all again. Sam will be starting this workout off with some Squats! Apparently most climbing accidents happen on the way down when people relax and make mistakes. It's important to keep your focus, even though you're on your way home.
Triumphant[]
Peter is making his last broadcast from the movie theatre, and he and Foxy will be returning to Abel together. He's a little worried about returning to society after being alone for so long. For this exercise, you're going to do a Plank. Good job! Peter is going to prepare for his triumphant return.
Home[]
Jody is broadcasting from Abel now that she's made it home. She's had a message from someone on ROFFLENET who thinks they might have found her brother! She feels so full of energy, so she's going to work it off with some Punches. When she first got out of the warehouse she felt scared. She feels like she's having to learn how to be a proper Runner again. But she got home safe, and you will too.
Unsurprised[]
Phil is back and full of the joys of whatever season it is now because he's lost track. He reads a message from Zoe suggesting that Peter adopt a cat instead of a fox. But onto the exercise. This time you'll be doing Press-Ups! Good job. Another message from Zoe says that she's adopted a bearded dragon called Marconi. Here's some more music while Phil checks that Zoe hasn't adopted anything even more unusual.
Thank You[]
Excellent work, Runners. Janine understands that it may be hard for the Runners who are still waiting to hear about people being brought home, but she promises that she will get you all home. She also says that they have lost people during this, and every loss is a great blow. The last exercise is a Wall Sit for one minute. Good job. Sam will have a few last words for you, so Janine wishes you a safe trip back to Abel.
Stay Safe Out There[]
Sam has trouble keeping track of how much time has passed. Sometimes it feels like forever, and sometimes not long at all. Time to stretch out and relax. Whenever Sam felt lowest, he'd remember you Runners and how much you mean to him. He thinks in a few years this might all feel like a bad dream, and that there are good times ahead. He's going to miss these broadcasts though. But it isn't goodbye, because he'll see you all soon. Stay safe out there, Runners.
Transcript[]
JANINE DE LUCA: Abel Township runners, this is Janine De Luca. Today, I have the great and uncommon pleasure of addressing you as a bearer of good tidings. With the recent collapse of the network of tunnels under the Spectrum Mall, the disruption to the so-called superhorde has been sufficient that we can now begin to bring our runners home. This will be our last radio broadcast until all runners are retrieved, as henceforth we will require clear airwaves for mission coordination.
Today, therefore, I intend to leave you with a whole body workout which can be repeated daily while you wait to be guided back to Abel. Begin your warm-up now, however you please. Jogging on the spot, stretching, or dancing. I trust you all to know your own bodies by now. And allow me to offer my most sincere and heartfelt commendation on the courage, fortitude, and dignity you have all displayed during our period of separation. I look forward to personally welcoming each and every one of you home on your return.
SAM YAO: Hey, hey guys! So you’ve all heard Janine’s news, it’s amazing. I am so happy I’m going to get to see you all again really soon! It’s been ages since we were together! I can’t wait to hear all your news and tell you what’s been going on around here. I mean, I know we’ve had the radio to keep in touch, but it’s not the same, is it? Right, yes. I know. Sorry, Janine. I was excited, that’s all. Uh, let’s get the workout started then. Time for some squats.
Feet shoulder-width wide, now bend your knees. Let your bottom go back and get into a nice low squat, then come back up again. One minute of squats, starting now. I bet you’re all squatting experts by now. And even if you’re not, this’ll be good training for your final sprint home. That’s 15 seconds, guys. Keep those squats going. Tighten your core muscles and keep your back straight. 30 seconds. You won’t believe the changes in the garden! Everyone got really keen on gardening while they couldn’t go anywhere, and it’s looking amazing. That’s 15 seconds to go. Keep those squats nice and deep. Last few reps, keep it up. And that’s you. One minute of squats, nicely done.
So um, I was reading that most climbing accidents happen when the climbers are on the way down. Apparently, it’s because people relax then and that’s when mistakes happen. Um, I guess what I’m trying to say is-is you mustn’t lose your focus, not now, and not when you’re on the way home, because that’s the most dangerous part. We’ve lost too many friends already. Oh, be careful, okay? Here’s one of my favorite tunes. Do some more squats if you fancy, or just keep moving however you like, and I’ll be back in a while.
PETER LYNNE: Hello, runners. It’s Peter here, with what might just be my final broadcast from the Princess Louise movie theater. Accompanied, of course, by my faithful companion, Foxy the fox. You’ll be pleased to know that Foxy and I have actually bonded a bit through the medium of delicious greasy hot dogs, and that Foxy will be accompanying me back to Abel when my turn for rescue finally comes. Isn’t that right, Foxy? [fox shrieks] Absolutely! Such a rascal.
It’s not that it hasn’t been fun, yeah, my little adventure in the darkened cinema, but all good things must come to an end. I’m gonna be honest with you, I have to confess just a touch of apprehension, I think, at the thought of returning to civilization after so long on my own. Bit worried people say the isolation has turned me… peculiar. [fox shrieks] But not you, Foxy. You’d never say that, would you? Yeah, what a bloody good chum you are to me.
And with that in mind, I’ve chosen an exercise today that you can do in a tiny, cramped space – like, for example, projection booth – without upsetting the Canis Vulpes that you might happen to have in there with you. See, Foxy over here, um, doesn’t like sudden movements. The last time I stood up too suddenly, I got a solid chomp right on the… you don’t need to know where. Let’s just say I’m not that cheap a date.
Anyway, for this exercise, you’re going to want to gently lower yourself into your planking position. So that means hands underneath your shoulders, weight on your toes, back stays straight like the eponymous plank. Get settled, ready, and begin! Perfect. Feel yourself embracing your inner plankitude. Become one with the plank. Perfect. You have lived the life of plank for a quarter of a whole minute.
Now tighten your core muscles as tight and sturdy as the trunk of a mighty tree. You’ve made it halfway, my arboreal comrades. Keep up your good work. Unless of course you are upsetting any small mammals in a confined space, in which case maybe take a break and/or buy yourself a cup. Right, into the final stretch, though ironically of course, no stretch is actually involved at the moment. You see, trees aren’t known for being particularly yogic. I guess there’s a few that are a bit stretchy. It doesn’t matter. And you have it! Brava.
Now time to collapse gently to the ground. Of course, avoiding any furry companions who might have snuck underneath you whilst you were exercising. [fox shrieks] What's that Foxy? God. Um, you must excuse me, runners. I have to attend the needs of my russet companion. But rest assured, I shall see you all very soon on our triumphant return home!
JODY MARSH: Hey runners, Jody here. I’m broadcasting to you from Abel and man, am I glad to be home! I wanted you all to know I came back to some really good news. Someone who’d heard my last broadcast messaged me on ROFFLEnet. She said she’d met a guy traveling with his kids whose last name was Marsh and he told her he was looking for his sister called Jody. So… I mean, I know it’s a common name, but I think at least one of my brothers could still be out there looking for me. It’s given me this amazing lift, so I feel so full of energy!
So I thought today, we could take advantage of that and do some shadow boxing. So put your feet shoulder-width apart, right in front of left, hands up in your guarding position, and when you’re ready, start bouncing on your toes and throw out some punches. Jabs with your right hand, then follow with some crosses, uppercuts, and hooks with your left. Mix it all up, okay?
And go. Try and feel light on your feet. Bounce on your toes. Float like a butterfly, [laughs] but maybe don’t sting anyone, unless there are any zombies in your vicinity. 15 seconds. Hey, do you think we’ll keep these workouts up when you’re all back at Abel? We could do them in a big group. Halfway there. Swap your feet around so your left foot’s forward and box a bit more. Jabs with your left hand, crosses, hooks, and uppercuts with your right. Last 15 seconds now, really make them count. Few more jabs. Finish with a combo if you like. And that’s you done.
I feel sort of guilty being home when so many runners are still stuck out there. Apparently, I was one of the first to make it back. I kind of got used to being stuck in that warehouse, and when I finally got out and started the run home, I dunno. I felt… I felt scared, really scared. The warehouse had been boring and lonely, but it was safe. Outdoors, there were zoms and trip hazards and-and weather! All the stuff I used to deal with without a second thought. It’s like I’m having to learn how to be a proper runner again. Luckily, I had Sam to keep me safe, and he’ll get you all home safe, too.
And in case you need any extra incentive to hurry on back, I’ve got presents for everyone, handpicked from the finest goods the warehouse had to offer. I hope you like socks, that’s all I’m willing to say. Meanwhile, time for another song. Do some more boxing, or jogging on the spot, or just have a stretch out, and I’ll see you all back at Abel.
PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello, citizens. Phil Cheeseman here, hoping you’re all full of the joys of - I don’t even know what season it is, it’s been so long since I’ve been outside. Anyway, I had my exercise chat all ready to go, but Zoe’s insisting that I read this message out before I start. “Dear Peter, a fox is a wild animal and is unlikely to be happy in captivity. My advice would be to adopt a cat, ideally one already used to living alongside humans, as a far more suitable companion. I would be happy to help you find one. Sincerely, Zoe.”
So I hope you’re listening, Peter. It’s like they say, if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If not, at least you got the satisfaction of knowing that you kept a living creature alive with popcorn and hot dogs while you were both trapped in a cinema. I think the original was catchier.
Anyway, on to the exercise I’ve chosen for today: press-ups. Get into your press-up position on your toes and hands, legs and back in a straight line, hands under your shoulders, and dip yourself down towards the floor, keeping your back straight at all times. Go!
When all this started, I thought I’d use the extra time to get really good at them. Didn’t exactly work out that way for me, but it’s never too late to start again. Remember, you can always do these at an incline using the stairs or a sturdy box, or put your knees on the ground if you need to. Half a minute done. I can’t wait for Zoe and her feline army to get back. No one’s knocked my mug off the table just for the hell of it or stuck their bottom in my face for ages. And I miss the cats, too. That’s you nearly done, just a few more press-ups to go. Concentrate on keeping your back straight. And you can stop now! Well done, that was great!
Oh, hang on, there’s another message coming through. “Dear Phil, just so you know, I’ve adopted an abandoned bearded dragon and named him Marconi.” Marconi? “Looking forward to introducing you to each other. Zoe. P.S. Please keep an eye out for crickets and mealworms.“ Ugh. "Oh, and I missed you too, you big softie.” Well listeners, there we have it. I’ll be spending the next decade of my working life sharing the radio desk with a lizard called Marconi and a box of live insects. Given the way this year has gone so far, color me unsurprised.
Time for some music and a few more press-ups for you lot while I try and talk Zoe out of bringing anything even weirder home with her. She mentioned something about hissing cockroaches last night, so I really don’t rate my chances.
JANINE DE LUCA: Excellent work, runners. Before our next exercise, I have a few words specifically aimed at those runners who must wait the longest to be brought home. I can only imagine how difficult this will be for all of you, especially as you hear your fellows return to life at Abel while you must remain out in the wilderness alone. I would like you all to know that your sacrifice is known, acknowledged, and understood. We will bring you home, no matter how long it takes.
I must also say a little regarding those we have lost. Though these last few years have made us no strangers to death, each time we lose one of our own, it is as terrible as if it were the first. These last few months have cost us dearly, and there may still be losses to come. Together, we grieve for the dead even as we fight for the living, though that fight may seem impossible and the grief beyond endurance.
I shall leave you with a final exercise. Take up a sitting position with your back pressed to the wall behind you. Begin now. Keep your legs bent to 90 degrees with your heels below your knees, tighten your core muscles, and remember to breathe. Quarter of a minute. I find this exercise excellent for building my endurance, both physical and mental. Half a minute. I have no doubt of your ability to endure. You’ve proven yourselves to me time and again over the past months. 45 seconds. If you have to stand up, do so, then return to your wall sit for the last few seconds. One minute. You can relax now.
I believe Mr. Yao has a few closing words for you, so I shall take the opportunity to wish you a safe return to Abel and thank you once again for all that you have done.
SAM YAO: Hey, everyone. Janine’s letting me do the final bit of the broadcast. I suppose that means all of this is… it’s really over. Or at least um, well, you know, heading into the last act. It’s weird. Sometimes doesn’t seem that long since it all started, and sometimes it feels like it’s gone on forever. It’s time to warm down. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. Ah. I wonder how many times I’ve said that over the last few months. A couple of hundred, at least.
Feet shoulder-width apart, knees ever so slightly bent, and raise your hands high above your head. Stretch up as far as you can go, right up onto your tiptoes, then drop forward from the waist and let your arms, your head, your torso all dangle towards the ground. Really relax. Let everything hang there, stretching out one muscle at a time. And when you’re ready, straighten up nice and slowly. Reach up again… and drop forward so everything’s dangling towards the ground. And keep going with that as long as it feels good.
I always knew you’d get through this, you runners. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if I was going to get through it, but whenever I felt at my lowest, I thought of you lot and how much you all mean to me. Abel Township runners - heroes, the lot of you. I suppose we’ll look back on this in a few years and it’ll all feel like a really strange bad dream. All that stuff in the Spectrum Mall. Thurman and his weird plans for the wrong apocalypse, and his poor son as well. So glad Thurman never got to do the terrible things to him he was planning. I wish we’d had time to find out more about him. Maybe one day we’ll get the chance.
There’s good times ahead of us, I know. We’ve got places to visit, things to do, new adventures to have. And even if something like this happens again - it probably will, knowing our luck - we know now that we can get through it. We can get through anything together. Hmm. I’m, uh… I’m gonna miss these broadcasts a little bit. So I’m not gonna say goodbye, because this isn’t goodbye. Stay safe out there, runners, and I’ll see you all soon.
Codex[]
Letter[]
Hi Runner Five!
So surprisingly enough, we couldn't find a “Thanks for Saving the World (Again!)” card at the local newsagents, but we're a scrappy, resourceful bunch here at Abel Township, and I think we've made do. In all seriousness, though... I know a dinky little card doesn't even come close to being able to express how grateful I am - how grateful we ALL are - for everything you've done to keep us safe over the past few weeks. But we really wanted to find a way to try and thank you, and to let you know how much we all appreciate everything you do.
I know it's been a hard, stressful, lonely time, but I am so unbelievably proud of you, and I hope that if you ever feel sad or lonely, you can read this and think of us, and know that you make all of our lives better just by being in them. I know mine certainly is.
Feel free to stop by the comms shack when you're back on your feet. I've got a couple of Curly Wurlys saved, and I can’t think of another person I'd rather share them with.
Love,
Sam
Dear Runner Five,
I'm not sure I’m going to be able to fit in everything I want to say here, so I’ll try to keep it short- I can’t thank you enough for everything you did to keep us all safe. I hope you know how lucky we are to have you looking out for us. I’m so relieved to see you home safe, and I hope you can rest easy.
Thanks, Runner Five. You’re a legend.
All the best,
Phil
Hey Runner Five,
Just wanted to say thanks. You know, for saving us. And also for not dying. We’ve all grown a bit fond of you, and I think it’d really bother Phil if you’d got yourself eaten by the superhorde or crushed by that giant drill or murdered by killer robots. Come see us when you’re feeling up to it, won’t you? It’d be nice to see you. We’re really glad you’re back.
Zoe
Runner Five!
As fun as it's been getting to revisit all of my favourite action movies lately, I have to admit, your latest escapades put them all to shame! We have GOT to get you a stunt double, though - with the sheer number of times you've risked your neck for some daring feat, it's a miracle you're still in one piece!
Thanks for saving our bacon, Runner Five. We owe you one!
-Peter and Foxy
Hi Runner Five!
It’s SO GOOD to have you back at Abel! I know you’re probably knackered, but come find me once you’re free and feeling rested - this sounds absolutely bonkers, but Sam said something about Thurman having actual killer robots? And apparently you got into a literal fist-fight with them? I have to know more! I’m so, so glad to have you home, Five. It wouldn’t be Abel without you.
All the best,
Jody
xx
Runner Five,
I hope this finds you well. I am writing to express my sincere gratitude for all of your efforts over the recent weeks. I think it’s important to acknowledge when a member of our township goes above and beyond for the betterment of our community - something you have done consistently since first joining our ranks as a runner. You remain one of our greatest allies and contributors, and someone I am very grateful to know.
Please accept my warmest thanks. If there’s anything you require, please don’t hesitate to let me know.
Sincerest regards,
Janine de Luca.
Supplies[]
The following supplies can be found in this mission.
(List may be incomplete.)
Baseball Bat
Board game
Candles
Cricket bat
Flashlight
Football
Laptop
Makeup
Mobile Phone
Overcoat
Pain Meds
Shirt
Shorts
Trainers
Umbrella
Underwear
Whisky
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