- For the season 9 mission, see All About That Bass (Season 9).
"All About That Bass" is the eleventh mission of Season 5.
A routine escape drill becomes not so routine when you and Amelia disturb some of the new base's older residents
Cast[]
Crew[]
- Writer: Naomi Alderman
- Director: Matt Wieteska
- Sound Designer: Mark Pittam
- Series Created By: Naomi Alderman
Plot[]
Time To Move. Run![]
Today you're starting your mission in... a toilet? It's the furthest place in your new home, Noah Base, from any exit, and this escape drill *will* be as realistic as possible.
Procedure Mandates[]
Part-way through the drill Amelia arrives, bringing a small horde of zoms with her. Janine rolls this into the plan sending Runners 4 and 13 to deal with the zombies, while you take over their evac sections with Amelia.
Possibly Copulating Zombies[]
The oldest part of the base is like stepping into an 80's timewarp. As you explore, Janine quizzes Amelia on life at Abel since the Ministry took over. Unfortunately there are some zoms in the last place you look.
It's On The Other Side[]
You and Amelia outrun the zombies for a while, and continue exploring while you wait for backup from Maxine. She can't shoot them or they'll turn to infectious dust, so you'll have to lead them somewhere the air extractors aren't working.
No Zombie Welcoming Committee[]
Amelia defends the Ministry as not all bad. Janine sealed off the area you're heading into for safety, so there might be even *more* zoms. You should be okay... if you're quick.
Better Hope It Is[]
There are more zoms inside the unexplored area, but Janine notices something. This section is laid out exactly like the labs under Abel!
End Of The World As We Know It[]
Following Janine's directions you make it out and trap all the zoms in section Delta of the base. Now you're safe there's time to look around again, and Maxine discovers a book from 1987 about 'The Wakened Land'.
S05E11 // Rofflenet[]
Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet
Transcript []
SAM YAO: Okay, Five. You’re nearly in position. Now, you see that door ahead of you? The one with the uh, picture of a wheelchair on it? Janine, is that a disabled toilet?
JANINE DE LUCA: I believe so, yes.
SAM YAO: And why are we making Five start running in the loo? Are you like, worried about runners getting caught short during the drill?
JANINE DE LUCA: The disabled toilet is the furthest point in Noah Base from any exit. If we’re going to practice our evacuation procedures, we need to assume a worst-case scenario, which you’d be aware of if you’d spent some time reading the briefing rather than decorating your room in this ridiculous manner.
SAM YAO: This isn’t ridiculous! It’s an exact replica of the Broom Cupboard!
JANINE DE LUCA: It’s not a broom cupboard, it’s a comms centre. These children’s drawings and stuffed animals are hardly appropriate!
SAM YAO: No, I mean it’s THE Broom Cupboard. Well, you know, BBC kid’s TV. I used to watch it all on YouTube. Andi Peters, Phillip Schofield, Gordon the Gopher. I actually found a Gordon the Gopher puppet in one of the bedrooms. You couldn’t honestly expect me to find Gordon the Gopher and not decorate this place like the Broom Cupboard!
JANINE DE LUCA: That’s all well and good, but this stuffed animal is a rat.
SAM YAO: Uh, yeah?
JANINE DE LUCA: In fact, I believe it’s Roland Rat, who was star of ITV’s TV-am. He’s an anachronism, Mister Yao!
SAM YAO: Wait, what?
JANINE DE LUCA: Hard as you may find it to believe, I was once a child. Now, Five, in ten seconds, I’ll be sounding the alarm, and it will be your mission to ensure all residents of Noah Base are evacuated. Failure to do so will result in their death.
SAM YAO: Or you know, not really, because this is just a drill.
JANINE DE LUCA: But one day, it may not be, and lives will depend on your speed and efficiency, Runner Five. Time to move. [alarm sounds] Run!
SAM YAO: Okay, Five! You’ve done a full sweep of the southwest wing, and everyone’s been evacuated. I mean, they haven’t, because there aren’t any people in the southwest wing. But if there had been, you’d definitely have made sure they got out. Which you didn’t, because there aren’t.
JANINE DE LUCA: There will be soon, when we free more of our people from Abel.
SAM YAO: Yeah. Right, yeah.
JANINE DE LUCA: Now, Runner Five. Protocol calls for you to secure the external door at the end of the corridor -
[door opens, zombies growl]
AMELIA SPENS: Yoohoo! Anybody home? Oh. Hello, Five. Always a pleasure to see my second favorite Abel runner.
JANINE DE LUCA: We’re in the middle of a drill, Miss Spens. You were supposed to arrive two hours ago.
AMELIA SPENS: Well, excuse me for having to take evasive maneuvers because someone set the most powerful woman in the country against me.
SAM YAO: Uh, Amelia, you didn’t happen to bring about twenty zombies with you, did you?
AMELIA SPENS: Yes. Sorry. I seem to have picked them up along the way. Let me just close the door.
[door closes]
SAM YAO: That’s not exactly a long-term solution, is it? What happens the next time one of us needs to go outside? They’ll all just be waiting out there, drooling.
JANINE DE LUCA: This is a good thing, Mister Yao. Zombies might prove a problem during a genuine evacuation. We’ll send Runners Four and Thirteen to deal with them. Runner Five, you’ll need to take over the evacuation of their sections of the base. Begin with the lower accommodation wing.
AMELIA SPENS: Oh, well, enjoy your run, Five. Put the kettle on for me, Janine. I’ll find my own way to you.
JANINE DE LUCA: Miss Spens, you will run with Five. Our procedure mandates no person left behind. Now, get moving.
SAM YAO: Okay, you’re heading into one of the oldest sections of the base. If – well, I mean, you know, when – we get other people out of Abel, this is where they’ll live.
[door opens]
AMELIA SPENS: Well, if they’re fans of 1980’s decor, they’re in for a treat. I’m not sure I’ve seen that particular shade of pastel green before or since. Good lord, is that actually a filofax? Still, I suppose beggars can’t be choosers. And it is better than Abel.
JANINE DE LUCA: Do you have intel on Abel for us, Miss Spens?
AMELIA SPENS: Oh, nothing important. Everyone’s still alive. That rather muscular Owen chap has been developing some new strain of barley for Sigrid, so he’s flavor of the month. Did you tell him to collaborate, or has he just realized that cooperating with Sigrid is the far more sensible option?
JANINE DE LUCA: Owen’s loyalties are none of your concern. What can you tell us about the supply and guard situation?
AMELIA SPENS: The guard’s been tripled since your little breakout. You won’t be getting back in the same way again. They’ve received at least two shipments of small arms that I’m aware of, and one of antipersonnel mines. Can’t tell you where those have been deployed, I’m afraid. I imagine you’ll have fun finding out. Do you want to do the honors with this room, Five, or shall I?
[door opens] Good lord! Didn’t realize there were genuine Chris De Burgh fans even in the 1980’s. When did he release all those videos? And why?
JANINE DE LUCA: You were telling us about the situation in Abel, Miss Spens!
AMELIA SPENS: Food shipments have been cut, but my source tells me that’s by choice, not by necessity. Hungry dogs will beg for treats, as I believe the way Ian put it.
SAM YAO: I don’t say this lightly, but I actually think I hate him. Huh… yeah. Yeah, I do. Interesting. I’m not usually big on hating people, but there it is. I hate Ian. Okay, carry on.
AMELIA SPENS: Apparently, Cameo’s been named head of community outreach, by which they mean head of runners, so extra rations for her. I suppose she can have Doctor Lobatse’s, as Ian’s put her on bread and water again, which is all very Victorian of him. Feelers have been put out to New Canton, to see if -
SAM YAO: Wait, wait. What was that about Lobatse?
AMELIA SPENS: Oh, she’s been chained up again. Insubordination.
SAM YAO: Insubordination? And Ian’s locked her up? What’d she do, fail to salute quickly enough?
AMELIA SPENS: I believe she told him that he was a worthless, cowardly embarrassment of a human being. She also may have slapped him.
SAM YAO: Oh, well that’s… I mean, it’s true, but she really needs not to say stuff like that. She’s going to get herself killed.
AMELIA SPENS: Since when has any inhabitant of Abel cared about playing it safe?
JANINE DE LUCA: I will ask Mister Sissay to keep a close eye on Doctor Lobatse. Now, just one more room to check, Five.
AMELIA SPENS: Oh, I think that’s a stationary cupboard, not a room.
JANINE DE LUCA: There’s only one way to be sure.
[door creaks opens, zombies moan]
AMELIA SPENS: See? I was right, it’s – oh, bugger. It’s a stationary cupboard, containing two possibly copulating zombies.
SAM YAO: Ew. Run!
AMELIA SPENS: Have we lost those zombies, Sam?
SAM YAO: Uh, define lost.
JANINE DE LUCA: You’ve pulled a little ahead, Miss Spens, but not by much.
AMELIA SPENS: Well, can’t you send someone to dispose of them? This is really very unpleasant. I would normally have someone deal with this for me.
JANINE DE LUCA: I could have sent someone to help, but unfortunately, most of my runners are outside dealing with the small zombie horde you brought to our doorstep.
AMELIA SPENS: [scoffs] So it’s all my fault, is it?
JANINE DE LUCA: Yes!
SAM YAO: It’s okay! I’m sending Maxine to meet with you. She’s got one of our guns. You just need to take a left at the next junction, cut through the recreation center, and Maxie will meet you at the other side.
AMELIA SPENS: What was this place, anyway?
SAM YAO: We found some old documentation. Apparently, it was a nuclear bunker for senior members of government, set up in 1982, and decommissioned after the fall of the Berlin Wall. Whole families spent months down here. I guess it was sort of a test run for an actual nuclear war.
JANINE DE LUCA: There are many government installations of that nature in this region because of its unusual geological stability. Since the 1980s, this place seems to have been used as an occasional operations base for counterintelligence work. I suspect a few local government personnel sought shelter here during the outbreak, and became zombified.
AMELIA SPENS: I’m guessing it was the 80s lot who were such big fans of bean bags.
SAM YAO: Who knows? There have been at least two 80s revivals since I was a kid.
AMELIA SPENS: Those were ironic! At least, I hope they were. I despair for humanity if anyone can unironically enjoy Manimal.
JANINE DE LUCA: Actually, Miss Spens, there’s room for you here too, if you’re in need of accommodation. I imagine your living situation hasn’t been easy since Sigrid turned against you.
AMELIA SPENS: That’s a very generous offer, Janine, but I’d literally rather die. Assuming I don’t die anyway thanks to your resident zombies.
SAM YAO: Just push through those double doors up ahead.
[door opens]
MAXINE MYERS: Hi, Five! … Amelia.
AMELIA SPENS: Yes, yes, lovely to see you. Now, where’s your gun?
[zombie growls]
MAXINE MYERS: Oh, that’s not good.
[door closes]
SAM YAO: The doors won’t hold them for long, Maxie. You need to shoot them!
MAXINE MYERS: They’re mummified, Sam, and our air circulation system is working full blast. If I shoot them, they’ll shatter and aerosolize. There’ll be fragments of infectious zombie flesh throughout the whole base.
AMELIA SPENS: Right, don’t shoot them, then.
JANINE DE LUCA: There’s one section of the base where the air extraction isn’t working, but it’s the other side.
SAM YAO: I’ll guide you there. Run!
[door bursts open, zombies moan]
SAM YAO: You’re nearly there, guys.
MAXINE MYERS: But if the air extractor isn’t working, how are we going to breathe?
JANINE DE LUCA: I pumped air into that section, Doctor Myers, it simply isn’t circulating. The area beyond alpha 90 isn’t on the blueprints we’ve obtained, and I’ve been unable to spare the people to chart and clear it of infestations, so I ordered it temporarily sealed. It’s not as if we’re lacking for room.
AMELIA SPENS: Uh, rewinding a bit: infestations? Are you saying there might be more zoms where we’re going?
JANINE DE LUCA: It’s possible.
AMELIA SPENS: So, you’re helping us escape the pursuing zoms by sending us into a place with even more zoms. It’s no wonder people in this country are so willing to believe the awful things Sigrid says about you. Some of them have probably met you.
MAXINE MYERS: Yeah, well, some of them have met Sigrid, too.
AMELIA SPENS: She can be very charming when she chooses. And people are grateful for what the Ministry’s done for them. We almost have a functional society again, or at least, the bare bones of one, and that’s down to Sigrid and her people.
SAM YAO: Well, that’s because she knew the apocalypse was coming! Since she, well, you know, started it!
AMELIA SPENS: But the great unwashed don’t know that, nor do the majority of people working for Sigrid, as far as I can tell. Most of them aren’t involved in some great conspiracy. They’re just NHS staff, people from the BBC, and local government officers like those zoms were. They’re a terribly well-meaning bunch, and they’re the face of the Ministry that most people see.
MAXINE MYERS: That will change when we get the truth out there!
AMELIA SPENS: Will it? I’ve never got far by underestimating people’s ability to ignore inconvenient truths.
JANINE DE LUCA: Runner Five, Miss Spens, the entry to the sealed section is just ahead. I’ve released the remote locks, but you’ll need to turn that metal wheel to open the security doors manually.
AMELIA SPENS: The doors to the place that may contain even more zombies? I’ll let you do that, Five.
[door opens]
SAM YAO: It’s alright. You just need to lead those zoms in there, circle around, and then shut everything away until we can deal with it.
AMELIA SPENS: Door’s open. And...no immediate zombie welcoming committee.
[zombies groan]
SAM YAO: But you’ve still got two behind you. Run!
SAM YAO: I think they’ve run far enough, Janine. Guys, time to think about circling back around.
AMELIA SPENS: Damn it, Sam! There are zombies in here, at least a dozen!
SAM YAO: Turn around, now!
JANINE DE LUCA: No, wait!
MAXINE MYERS: We need to get moving, Janine, or we’re going to get trapped between the two groups of zoms and I haven’t got enough bullets for all of them.
JANINE DE LUCA: [mutters] G seven nine, branch seven, section sigma… [out loud] Yes, yes, I can see it. Five, Doctor Myers, you need to take the first corridor to your right, and then the second left through the storage rooms.
SAM YAO: How do you know that, Janine? We haven’t got a map of that area.
JANINE DE LUCA: Has anyone else noticed how familiar it all looks?
AMELIA SPENS: One gray boring corridor looks much like another.
MAXINE MYERS: No, Janine’s right. I feel like I’ve been here before, but I know I haven’t.
SAM YAO: Oh my God. Oh my God, it’s Abel, isn’t it? It’s exactly the same layout as the Greenshoot labs under Abel.
JANINE DE LUCA: I think this must have been the prototype on which Abel was based. A trial run for it.
SAM YAO: Okay. Five, Maxine, Amelia, if it really is the same design as Abel, you need to take the corridor up ahead. Run through three labs, and then bear left.
AMELIA SPENS: And if it isn’t, in fact, like Abel?
SAM YAO: Well, you’d better hope it is. Go!
SAM YAO: Okay, shut those doors behind you. [doors creak shut] Five, can you see the deadbolt? Good. I think you’re safe now.
JANINE DE LUCA: They are. All zoms have been confined to section delta. I’ll send runners to eliminate when the drill is over.
MAXINE MYERS: Look at that spectroscope, and those rows of Bunsens. I can’t believe how much this place looks like the Abel labs.
SAM YAO: Yeah. It’s like a primitive steampunk version of them.
MAXINE MYERS: Kind of, but it’s all 1980s, and not Victorian.
SAM YAO: Uh, Thatcher-punk? Leg warmer-punk?
AMELIA SPENS: Well, they certainly had some interesting reading material. What do you make of this, Five?
[paper rustles]
SAM YAO: What is it?
AMELIA SPENS: It’s a little book called, “The Wakened Land”.
SAM YAO: What? What, that thing Sigrid’s soldiers keep talking about?
JANINE DE LUCA: Are you sure that wasn’t left by a more recent inhabitant?
MAXINE MYERS: No. It says here, first published 1984. This edition, 1987. And Janine, listen to the blurb. “A shock wave is coming that will shake this land awake, and only the chosen few will survive it. Here, for the first time, Professor Holloway sets out his controversial, devastating predictions of the next extinction-level event to face mankind, and the evolutionary leap it will precipitate.”
And look at this bit. Underlined in the text: “In those days, the well-prepared will retreat to underground bunkers. The government should stock them all with necessary components to restart a society that will be better, brighter, and more fit to live in this glorious wakened land.”
AMELIA SPENS: Well, well, well. Looks like Sigrid’s little conspiracy has been running for a lot longer than any of us realized. I wonder just how long she’s been planning the end of the world as we know it?
Codex[]
Letter[]
Hi Five,
Fantastic work today! I know it was pretty hard running the drill, avoiding hordes of zombies, AND resisting the urge to smack Amelia into next week - I don't know if I would have been able to keep my cool in your position, with her slagging off Abel the entire time! It's honestly a miracle she hasn't been fed to a crawler yet, given her tendency to alienate almost everyone she's ever met, but then again… I suppose she IS extremely good at being a sneak and procuring information, and finding weird old books like this copy of 'The Wakened Land'. I still don't trust her as far as I can throw her, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad for her help.
I'll let you go for now, but if you'd like some company later, you should stop by! It feels like it's been a while since we've been able to catch up in person, and I still have half a Curly Wurly that we could share. Let me know!
-Sam
Supplies[]
The following supplies can be found in this mission.
(List may be incomplete.)
Axe
Bandages
Baseball Bat
Batteries
Bottled Water
Car Battery
Deodorant
Penknife
Pistol
Rifle Ammo
Sword
Tool Box
Trainers
Underwear
USB Key
Trivia[]
- Error: Janine says that she's sending Runner Thirteen to deal with the zombies, but Runner Thirteen is Cameo Wood, who is confirmed to still be in Abel Township at this time.
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